He even planned that….

“Living by Faith not by sight” KP Yohannan (bold added by me)

 When I am faced with problems, disappointments, lack of resources or sickness, if I fix my eyes on the things that are visible, then all those difficulties discourage me and I get weighed down by the impossibilities. But when I turn my eyes to the invisible, fixing them on God, all those difficulties become instruments He uses to help me live by faith. By faith, those afflictions are used to change me on the inside so that I reflect His glory. These pains and hardships will lead to the benefits and rewards that He promised, if I would only trust Him in the situations of life. But if I do not keep my eyes focused beyond the problems, beyond the struggles and beyond the here and now and on God, then those promises will not come about, simply because I am not putting my faith to work.

I remember back to when I was 16 years old serving with Operation Mobilization. It was there that I first began to understand that every disagreement, every problem, every tension, every irritation happens in our lives because God has orchestrated it. He has designed it. God put us in that situation or with that person so that we would be changed into His image. You may say, “I don’t want this kind of problem.” But He has designed it just for you, to be an instrument to make you like Him.

Reading this two nights ago, after the most infuriating month, filled with bitterness, rage, anger, self-righteousness,  judgment, doubt and hoplessness. I was able to see why and how I got myself there. Bc I forgot all of the truth that I have in my head. I knew… these things, but I also knew all of those things I listed….and God will not force me to walk in His light. He does not change for me…He does not alter the Way of His word just bc I am a proclaimed Christian, and if I suffer others might doubt in His existence. He doesn’t NEED me, He WANTS me, He LOVES me, He KNOWS me, and knows that I would never want Him to change so that my time here on earth would be easier, I would never want Him to change even if I threaten Him to end it all bc it’s just too hard.

What a disgrace I bring to being a Christian….when I refuse to see how I allowed myself to get that moment of those feelings. I don’t bring disgrace to being a Christian bc I have those moments where my rage overtakes me, I don’t bring disgrace to being a Christian when I am so angry for being mistreated for no reason, I don’t bring disgrace to being a Christian when I am filled with dispair. I bring disgrace to being a Christian when I refuse to see that it is MY doing, that it is MY responsibility to repent of those feelings, that it is MY choice to dwell in misery OR bring honor to God. When I admit that I am a sinner in need of a Savior, that I do not do the things I want to do, and do the things I do not want to do, that I am unable to make it on my own in this body without sinning if He is not with me.

I uttered that same quote so many times this month “I don’t want this problem” even worse I said “I didn’t ask for this life, or this gift…I don’t want it…I’m not strong enough” What’s so sweet is even in my anger I didn’t lie to God. I didn’t ask to be born – He gave me life. I didn’t ask for the spiritual gift of prophecy – He gave it to me. I’m not strong enough to live without Him, I’m not strong enough to use His gifts without Him. You see He designed this life JUST for ME. Not you, not your mom, not your friend, JUST ME!

How beautiful is that? You are reading this right now bc God wanted your eyes to see into my heart, where He lives. He can live in yours too, all you have to do is ask Him to forgive your sins, Believe in Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior, he lived, died, and rose just so you can ask Him this very question, at this very moment. If you have not already accepted Our Fathers gift simply ask Him to help you repent of your ways, be baptized, to allow His Spirit to live within you….and one day you will be able to say these things to another…the one God created your life for. ♥

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