Gossiping…is it worth it?

 The link below is the devotional that inspired the comment to those on my FB page…and the continued writing.

http://lysaterkeurst.com/2011/10/cross-my-heart-and-close-my-mouth/

Do you Gossip? I can tell you more of you do than you don’t…and its got to STOP! Whether you’re mad at someone or not God commands us NOT to speak evil against our neighbours. We are no longer in high school, its time to grow up and stop thinking we’re better than someone else bc we don’t sin the way they have. I’m sorry but NO ONE, including myself can throw stones at ANYONE— so value your friendships by refraining from gossiping about someone when they’re taking time out of their life to spend with you. Let’s get back to the Main Thing which is bringing those to the Cross!!! I love all of you….wish you loved me the same by keeping my ears and heart pure from the toxicity of gossip!!! Trust me I don’t need any extra help sinning, I do just fine on my own.

Dear Friends,

Yesterday I wrote a post about gossiping, and as much as I stand behind what I wrote I feel as if I need to apologize to those of you who consider me a friend. See I am a writer, nothing professional, but still at heart I love to write. I don’t write about things that aren’t true, I write what my heart has either gone through or is currently going through. Typically I won’t or can’t write until there’s a mess load of situations that have basically overloaded in my head and I am in need of purging. I have plenty of journals and even more writings on my computers to attest to this.

But every now and then I will get the perfect devotional to trigger everything I have been trying to find a way to say it without hurting anyone’s feelings. Only today I feared I may have hurt a friend who would think this was solely about them. So I have to apologize to all of my friends who have shared anything with me that makes you think I am talking only to you. I can assure you my personal experiences are small compared to what I see happening around me in the lives of Faithful Christian women. Just bc I’m not in your conversation doesn’t mean my ears aren’t listening. See here’s a secret that only you will know about me….I actually care deeply about not wanting to hurt my friends. Their trust in me, means a GREAT deal. I take great honor in someone being able to trust me with their deepest secrets or feelings. It’s that good ole saying “Treat others how you want to be treated” I believe if I can be the friend that I desire in someone, I will get that friend in return.

There’s something that I have learned over the years though; having a friend that knows all your dirt leaves you feeling vunerable. Not many of us like to feel this way, myself included. Eventually over time if communication gets pulled back bc of insecure feelings ab this relationship, it’s only a matter of time before there is a disagreement that causes a major drift between the two of you. Let me just say from experience this time apart is not always a bad thing, it’s usually needed. What matters is how you spend your time thinking about this relationship. If you play the event over and over again (which for me is inevitible) you have to be careful not to maintain the anger or create more anger. Otherwise you could wind up losing someone very special, as well as creating a root of bitterness that can be very toxic to your happiness. Instead take sometime to detox from the situation. Once I can think ab the person without getting that anxious feeling within me that’s when I know I’m ready to do the hard part.

Ask myself if they were right. Bet you thought I was going to say forgive them. Forgiving someone is hard, but I have found that it’s harder to forgive someone when I’m hell bent on being right. So I need to know first if they were right. I will always think I am right, and anyone I choose to tell what happened will nine times out of ten agree with me. I mean we all know that’s why we told them to begin with, right?

Can I share another secret that I’ve realized over the years that helps with this self analyzation? You both have something to learn, change, and gain from this argument; and any other encounter you have with someone. We all have a purpose in this life, and we are all the star of our own lives. Therefore, nothing you do in life is wasted…unless you choose to waste it. Whether they were right or not doesn’t matter as much as that time you take exploring the possiblity. See I have found that we will all have a few profound relationships that stretch us to be more than we are. When you meet one of these people hold onto them with love and respect. Bc they are being used, just as much as you are in their lives, for a greater purpose. Even if the relationship ends painfully with betrayal or broken trust, at one point this person saw a part of you that made you love them, and they you. Honor THAT moment in your friendship, even when it ends. Bc it’s during those moments of pain when another person will out of no where come into your life, sometimes subtly without even knowing it they are picking up the pieces of your heart fumbling their way around trying to help mend it. How you speak about this past friendship will display a character trait about who you are as a friend.

Now please do not get me wrong, there are times when most of us can hear someone speaking with a broken heart and can blow it off as pure emotions. But there does come a point ladies (and men if any of you are reading this) when these emotions become toxic and begin to taint your other relationships. This is why negative gossip about past friends or someone you hardley know causes so much damage….not so much to the person you’re talking about, but more to you.

Without realizing it the constant talking about this situation or person, might cause the one listening to pull away. There are many reasons for this. They could simply be over hearing about the same old complaint or maybe they are fearful of investing in a friendship that could leave them on the other end of the coin. We all know that there has been a time when we’ve messed up in our friendships. Why then would someone want to chance messing up and being the one whose dirty laundry gets aired to anyone who will listen? Whether you are a Christian woman or not we all want to have good friends. The best way to get that is by always being a good friend, whether the relationship has ended or not.Ladies lets stop wasting time with yesterdays garbage and start living today for today. Let’s start pointing our fingers towards our own lives, thoughts, and hearts. Let’s be the friend we want to have…even when the friendship has ended. .

Summer Ramblings…..

Recently I came upon a devo about the Israelites’ wandering the desert and thought…I am lost in the desert…I don’t want to be…. I have dreams and passions and God has given me the experiences to last me 3 lifetimes….but most importantly He has used every area of my life as His Way to Witness to so many women and children…and possibly a few guys… There is freedom that comes within your soul when you accept who you are in Gods eyes. Even if who you are is the crazy, off the wall, highly emotional, sometimes delusional, born again (and again and again) Follower of Christ, Believer of all things Holy and Spiritual….even the things that no one ever wants to admit they believe. There’s a freedom that lies within yourself, waiting to be set free….sometimes we let her out test the waters…then throw her back into her box where we keep her hidden from the real world….because omgsh what would they think if you actually told them that they are wasting their time trying to play the part as a good Christian doing good Christian things….when clearly the things that they allow occupy their minds and days could matter less to the Holy God and the reason He chose you to live in this world at this day and age. Better yet what would they think if you read the bible for yourself and allowed God to actually teach you what He wants YOU to know through His word? Since being baptized in 2008 I have realized that the passion I had then was more Spirit driven then anything I have done recently. I am ashamed to admit that I cared more about my character and the integrity of my name before I chose to accept the honor of saying Jesus is my Savior. Who I am today is the exact opposite of everything that I stood for as a mother, woman, and worker. This reality has given me a feeling I always prayed I would never experience….and as heartbreaking as it is to endure continual death within my family and severed relationships that I chose for my children to know as family….the pain of admitting that my biggest fear of being a mother my daughter wanted to be nothing like had come true. This is a pill that I have swallowed and am not asking for others opinions of what kind of mother they think I am. I know who I was and who I am today….and I hate this person. The saddest part is I saw myself becoming this lazy, complaining, selfish hypocrite. I would hear the Spirit telling me that I knew better than to spend money we needed to save…or allow the video games entertain the kids a little bit longer so I can have me time. BUT….I didn’t want to grow up….I wanted ME time, and I still believe that ALL parents…especially stay at home mothers…NEED time when they are not a wife or a mother and they are able to remember that God called them to be His FIRST….everything else….YES Ladies EVERYTHING ELSE…EVEN your role as a wife….is pointless until the first is complete. Since I am on the role of the wife and husband I want to speak my opinion for a moment….(remember I said MY OPINION – Not what I read in my bible) So many men and women get so side tracked with “Leading the family” or “respecting her husband” that they lose sight of the #1 commandment which is LOVE GOD WITH ALL (not some) ALL your heart, mind, and soul. Funny little secret is when we take the time to REALLY Fall in Love with God and can realize just how madly in love He is with us…because let’s face it…we are AWESOME! I mean seriously….God made us in HIS IMAGE….so stop obsessing about looking perfect….God is so much MORE than looks…He is the beauty in everything…He is the amazing mystery of the nighttime sky…He is the waves crashing on the sea shore….He is also seen in our trees and birds….and all other creatures created by Him….No they weren’t made in His Image like we were….but they do describe a part of Him, which means our world and the animals in it…matter to Him because they are His description…His fingerprint per say that He left for us….and I don’t know about you but I am HUGE on going back through my old pictures or reading old letters…I could honestly get lost for hours going through my parents things…and my grandparents items. I see where I came from….well it’s the same thing with the world around us….the one that is becoming less and less green and more and more of empty houses with signs out front….or shopping malls that hold more crap that means nothing and gets us nowhere…. I had a major squirrel moment….so I’m basically going to end this reminding myself to remember who I am in Gods eyes…remember that I am not here to be treated like a princess…because I already have a home and it’s in the Spirit world with Christ Jesus and one day I pray I am able to see the God who saw strength in me that I still can’t fully believe I’m capable of pulling off. I love you Lord Jesus for living a life by faith and obedience…knowing you were here for a moment to complete a mission and the pain and isolation you must’ve felt daily is a blink of an eye when the reality of Heaven is like. Just like giving birth….not the best part of becoming a mother but worth it because it gives us our babies. Rise up a fire inside this house with Your Holy Spirit and Excitement for your Glory God. Written August 22, 2011 @ 4:23am