The link below is the devotional that inspired the comment to those on my FB page…and the continued writing.
Yesterday I wrote a post about gossiping, and as much as I stand behind what I wrote I feel as if I need to apologize to those of you who consider me a friend. See I am a writer, nothing professional, but still at heart I love to write. I don’t write about things that aren’t true, I write what my heart has either gone through or is currently going through. Typically I won’t or can’t write until there’s a mess load of situations that have basically overloaded in my head and I am in need of purging. I have plenty of journals and even more writings on my computers to attest to this.
But every now and then I will get the perfect devotional to trigger everything I have been trying to find a way to say it without hurting anyone’s feelings. Only today I feared I may have hurt a friend who would think this was solely about them. So I have to apologize to all of my friends who have shared anything with me that makes you think I am talking only to you. I can assure you my personal experiences are small compared to what I see happening around me in the lives of Faithful Christian women. Just bc I’m not in your conversation doesn’t mean my ears aren’t listening. See here’s a secret that only you will know about me….I actually care deeply about not wanting to hurt my friends. Their trust in me, means a GREAT deal. I take great honor in someone being able to trust me with their deepest secrets or feelings. It’s that good ole saying “Treat others how you want to be treated” I believe if I can be the friend that I desire in someone, I will get that friend in return.
There’s something that I have learned over the years though; having a friend that knows all your dirt leaves you feeling vunerable. Not many of us like to feel this way, myself included. Eventually over time if communication gets pulled back bc of insecure feelings ab this relationship, it’s only a matter of time before there is a disagreement that causes a major drift between the two of you. Let me just say from experience this time apart is not always a bad thing, it’s usually needed. What matters is how you spend your time thinking about this relationship. If you play the event over and over again (which for me is inevitible) you have to be careful not to maintain the anger or create more anger. Otherwise you could wind up losing someone very special, as well as creating a root of bitterness that can be very toxic to your happiness. Instead take sometime to detox from the situation. Once I can think ab the person without getting that anxious feeling within me that’s when I know I’m ready to do the hard part.
Ask myself if they were right. Bet you thought I was going to say forgive them. Forgiving someone is hard, but I have found that it’s harder to forgive someone when I’m hell bent on being right. So I need to know first if they were right. I will always think I am right, and anyone I choose to tell what happened will nine times out of ten agree with me. I mean we all know that’s why we told them to begin with, right?
Can I share another secret that I’ve realized over the years that helps with this self analyzation? You both have something to learn, change, and gain from this argument; and any other encounter you have with someone. We all have a purpose in this life, and we are all the star of our own lives. Therefore, nothing you do in life is wasted…unless you choose to waste it. Whether they were right or not doesn’t matter as much as that time you take exploring the possiblity. See I have found that we will all have a few profound relationships that stretch us to be more than we are. When you meet one of these people hold onto them with love and respect. Bc they are being used, just as much as you are in their lives, for a greater purpose. Even if the relationship ends painfully with betrayal or broken trust, at one point this person saw a part of you that made you love them, and they you. Honor THAT moment in your friendship, even when it ends. Bc it’s during those moments of pain when another person will out of no where come into your life, sometimes subtly without even knowing it they are picking up the pieces of your heart fumbling their way around trying to help mend it. How you speak about this past friendship will display a character trait about who you are as a friend.
Now please do not get me wrong, there are times when most of us can hear someone speaking with a broken heart and can blow it off as pure emotions. But there does come a point ladies (and men if any of you are reading this) when these emotions become toxic and begin to taint your other relationships. This is why negative gossip about past friends or someone you hardley know causes so much damage….not so much to the person you’re talking about, but more to you.
Without realizing it the constant talking about this situation or person, might cause the one listening to pull away. There are many reasons for this. They could simply be over hearing about the same old complaint or maybe they are fearful of investing in a friendship that could leave them on the other end of the coin. We all know that there has been a time when we’ve messed up in our friendships. Why then would someone want to chance messing up and being the one whose dirty laundry gets aired to anyone who will listen? Whether you are a Christian woman or not we all want to have good friends. The best way to get that is by always being a good friend, whether the relationship has ended or not.Ladies lets stop wasting time with yesterdays garbage and start living today for today. Let’s start pointing our fingers towards our own lives, thoughts, and hearts. Let’s be the friend we want to have…even when the friendship has ended. .