How I find God within my darkness

“A little while, and you will see me no longer; and again a little while, you will see me.” John 16:16 ESV

Before you continue to read this please read John 16:16-24.

When I read this passage this morning my eyes noticed the red writing and my mind responded by reminding me these words are words spoken by Jesus. Hopefully you feel as I do when reading words spoken by Our Savior, a sense of alertness and respect. These words I have read before and knew them to be words He spoke to His disciples about The Holy Spirit coming to them following His ascension. Today my heart responded as I read these words. When this happens my mind no longer reads these words as a student, but as a child hearing words of wisdom from her beloved Father.

I’d like to share with you what He told me today, as well as explain how I came to believe this. I have come to believe that my heart will respond to Gods Word in this manner after a series of events have occurred so that I am able to have understanding, as well as healing. I believe completely that until I have gone through all that He requires I do these words will continue to be read as a student. This is not a bad thing. But the moment I am able to read His Word through eyes of a daughter, it becomes a beautiful thing.

Over a year ago I read a book by Gisella Yohannan called Broken for a Purpose. I had never read a book that spoke so directly to my heart like this one has. Her words brought me into a realization that God has never forgotten one single moment of my life. That every ounce of pain I believed had been forgotten was actually important to Him, and to prove this to me He gave me this book. I have recommended this book countless of times to women who also endure brokenness that goes unnoticed by others. If this is you and you have not read her words I strongly urge you to do so. Remember as you are reading them, God is talking to you and I pray you find healing and joy within them, just as I did.

The reason I mentioned this book is because of the truth I gained from this book is the Purpose behind all of my Brokenness. Just as vs 20 illustrates the pain of giving birth brings us – well pain. But the JOY that comes from holding our beautiful baby doesn’t make us forget the pain that we just endured; it gives it a purpose and worthiness for it. If you have more than one child then you cannot disagree with what I am saying. You knew you would endure pain and discomfort in order to bring this child into this world, and you still chose to do so. This means you knew it would all be worth it. This is what I gained from the words in her book. The worth behind all of our pain, all of our brokenness is not only worth it, but planned by God.
Jesus spoke the words in John 16:16 to His disciples, but also to you and me for today. When we are in the midst of this darkness that is when “A little while, and you will see me no longer;” was meant for, and when the purpose is revealed for the time of darkness, this is when “and again a little while, you will see me.” was meant.

Don’t you get it Jesus really does love us. He really does want us to have a place with Him in Gods glorious Kingdom, today and for Eternity. He really has begun a good work within us, and will continue to do so until His return. He really does want to present us to Our Father with a sense of worth for His scars and His pain endured upon that cross, so He too can say “Thank You Father for allowing me to endure the pain upon the cross for my beautiful gift Crystal.” This is why He has us go through these moments of darkness where we cannot feel his presence. In Mere Christianity, C.S. Lewis describes an image of the Body of Christ as an illuminating light and our sin causes scars of darkness upon it. This illustration allows me to see those scars of darkness removed and Christs’ illuminating light bursting through…which brings me utter joy to be able to give back to Christ what He lost because of the sin I placed upon him.

When I began writing this my intention was to put into words what I had just gained through John 16:16-24. Now however I have this overwhelming need to place the importance upon the actions you must take in order to gain the insights that God has for YOU through His Holy Word. It’s not about what I have gained from it, but what He wants to tell YOU. Because each of us has our own personal relationship with God, Christ died for us individually, and The Holy Spirit lies within each of our own hearts teaching us our own individual truths. The reason my heart (which is where the Holy Spirit lives) was able to respond to this passage today was because of the actions I have taken, and experienced previously. In the past my pits of darkness were DARK, disturbingly dark, I want my life to end dark. Today the darkness isn’t as dark, I believe this is because of the time, effort, and dedication I have in learning all that there is to know about God and how I can mentally, emotionally, and spiritually maintain the presence of His Spirit within my life.
I am a God junkie! He has become my addiction and I can’t get enough of Him. So I read endless amount of writings about who God is, what He has done, and how I can know Him from others who have the gift of teaching. If you want to have that darkness become less dark, then take action in learning how to arm your heart and mind with knowledge about who God is and how He has helped healed others. I have to say this though, always take what you have read and compare their truth to the truths of God. Just as you would go to a dictionary to find the meaning of a word, this is what the Holy Bible does to the truths that others teach. Never take what someone teaches as the absolute truth, until you have seen that it lines up with His Holy word. This is how you can guard your heart from lies that destroy. I also encourage you to search deeper into these truths for yourself. As much as Gods word is universal, it is also individual. That’s why they say it is His Love Letter to US!

I haven’t gone back to proof read this so if it doesn’t make complete sense I apologize. But I pray that you have gained what you need to move closer to Gods truth for you.
~sometimes I just gotta write~