I’ve had so much happen in the last three months…It’s hard to believe really when I try to think about just how much God has been releasing into my life. Or should I say releasing from my life.
I don’t remember off hand when God revealed to me what He would be healing this season, I do know it was before the beginning of the year. But I do remember how I felt when it became clear. Coming off of a Spiritual victory…aka Spiritual High I embraced it. Even though I knew digging this deep into my soul would be painful, but trusting wholeheartedly in His deliverance. It was a surreal feeling. One that I want to continue to walk in.
As I write this and let my mind go back to those feelings, I wonder if that is why He’s poured out so many blessings on me in such a short amount of time. Hmm…imagine that…Trust and Obedience can accelerate my prayers from 2-3 years to 2-3 months. I can dig that for sure!
I should probably get to the “details” of this painful healing hugh? Ok…here goes nothing.
For as far back as I can remember I have always been sexually “active” I guess you could say. My earliest memory is when I was 5…I was caught behind the bushes with my “boyfriend” Richie…playing “show me and I’ll show you”. It only progressed as I got older, and I honestly cannot tell you how this even began. All I know is that I do not remember ever being Pure…and this has caused severe damage. Although I am a new Creation, and ALL my sins have been washed by the Blood of Jesus Christ, I am completely forgiven for every last one….God has not fully delivered me from these scars. YET!
Before Matt had passed God was revealing to me that I had to seek out Gods reasoning for purity…how else would I be able to teach this to my children…or restore this within me? God being the Good Parent that He is put everything on hold until I had regained His Strength to press on.
Slowly he allowed thoughts and insecurities to come back to mind while being with my husband. As I write this I know that it would be more common for me to write that the enemy attacked me with these thoughts. But see I understand that NOTHING occurs to Gods children without His consent. Which means if it’s happening then He knows about it; and has planned GOOD to come out of it. SO I choose to focus on His part in all of this, and refuse to give the enemy any more ground in this area of my life. He’s had 30 years of my life to try and destroy me…and what he meant for harm, God planned for GOOD, for the saving of many lives.(see Genesis 50:20)
And that’s my hope as I begin to unravel what God has done so far, as well as what He is currently doing. This is the most personal part of my carnal life…it’s the most painful and humiliating. As well as the most common among women and young girls today. Which is why I am praying that Gods power sustain me and my mind while I share with you as He walks me and my husband through the fire of Pure Healing.
“Now have come the salvation and the power and the kingdom of our God, and the authority of his Christ. For the accuser of our brothers, who accuses them before our God day and night, has been hurled down. They overcame him by the BLOOD of the LAMB and by the word of their TESTIMONY; they did not love their lives so much as to shrink from death. Therefore rejoice, you heavens and you who dwell in them! Revelation 12:10-12a
I’m not sure where God will begin this just yet. I just know that He’s been calling me all day to choose between helping His children the Way He designed me, or to keep trying to do things my way. I teach through experience….and by being as transparent as I possibly can. This is my show of obedience…and trust.
Please pray for my husband and I. I want to claim this scripture as another one for our lives They overcame him by the BLOOD of the LAMB and by the word of their TESTIMONY; they did not love their lives so much as to shrink from death.