Healing in hindsight

Gifted for Leadership: Be Still, Ailing Minister, Part 2


“About a year ago you were here.” She pointed to the page. “Now you are here, and you need to stay there as long as necessary. There’s no telling how long it will be, but you’ll know when it’s time to emerge. If you try to break free before you’re ready, truly ready, you’ll do more harm than good, and you’ll end up right back where you were at the point of your burnout.”

I could cry reading this one. See God has been working on me for years, even before I ever stepped foot into church. But when I finally did and allowed Him access to ALL of me, He began revealing areas that needed healing. And I knew these would. But then He touched areas that I had either never even knew existed or thought were conquered. Then to really shake things up He made sure when Matt died I had no one but Him to lean on. This was the hardest, yet most important part of my life thus far. Here’s the thing though, He kept me isolated and I knew in my heart, soul, and mind that I needed to be. Too many open wounds and emotional scars exposed to properly function. But this is frowned upon like the first article points out. So I went to church and tried to socialize on good days. Tried to volunteer bc my heart desperately wanted to please God and give back. BUT this caused me to put on a temporary bandage in order to make it through, only to have to yanked off and my husband or children suffer the wrath of all that was exposed.

As I read this, I could get bitter and keep score of how I had poor guidance. But what’s done is done. And they couldn’t have known the depths that God was going within my heart and mind. No, I will do what the Lord has ALWAYS done in my life. I will store this moment within my mind and emotions and ask Him to make sure I remember all of it, so I can be empathetic to the one He brings along my path in the future.

Friends, we are called to be the LIGHT of Christ in the world. Someone needs to walk in the darkness and keep stepping forward towards the glimmer of LIGHT we see up ahead. When we do this, and are transparent we leave a trail that Shines brighter than we imagine.

~sometimes I just gotta write~

How I SEE Gods Voice through images.


This picture speaks of my deepest desire. To BE authentic and REAL. No matter how humiliating it seems. I want to know others true self. The only way that will happen is if I am my true self. I have shine my LIGHT so others have the courage to shine their LIGHT. Here’s a little word play and how my mind saw a deeper meaning to the title sentence.

Remember friends how one sees God’s voice may be different, it doesn’t mean it’s wrong.
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Fear Jesus Christ not the Bible

Truth! Its a hard pill to swallow, and many don’t. Myself included. All i want is to BE in His Presence, then i must seekHIS Kingdom FIRST. I have to KNOW His Voice and Obey. I AM His Sheep and He is MY GOOD SShepherd


Many believers foolishly have more regard for the Bible and for their own interpretation of the Bible than for Jesus Christ. They have no fear for Jesus. Jesus Christ is Lord and we will be judged by Him according to His words as also recorded in the gospels, Matthew, Mark, Luke and John. But it is the Holy Spirit, the Spirit of Christ that convicts us of sin, righteousness and judgment.

If we disregard the Holy Spirit that convicts us we will perish. If we obey the Holy Spirit, repent and live righteously and holy, we will live. The reason why many believers will end up in hell is because they have no fear for Jesus Christ, they do not know Him. They know the Bible or they know a few scriptures but they don’t know Jesus and therefor they live in unrighteousness, in unholiness, The Holy Spirit is convicting…

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Apologizing When You’ve Done Nothing Wrong

This has blessed me and my tattered heart. May her words heal you also.

Written by: Laura Polk

“Apologizing does not always mean that you’re wrong and the other person is right. It just means that you value your relationship more than your ego.”—Positive Outlooks

It’s not about me. It’s not about me. It’s not about me.

I repeated the mantra in my head over and over again. I set it to a tune. I hummed it in my mind. But it still wasn’t sinking in. It felt like it was about me. In fact, it felt like I was under attack. Being falsely accused of something I didn’t do.

But, it didn’t matter.

It’s not about me. It’s not about me. It’s not about me.

It wasn’t about me. There was a larger story at play. The one of my family, especially my children, suffering the consequences of an argument that I didn’t start, and couldn’t seem to end. It had gone on for years, and my attempts to get anyone to even acknowledge my viewpoint, were futile.

David struggled with this as well. In Psalm 69, he calls out to God in the midst of his accusers:

“Save me, O God, for the waters have come up to my neck. I sink in the miry depths, where there is no foothold. I have come into the deep waters; the floods engulf me. I am worn out calling for help; my throat is parched. My eyes fail, looking for my God. Those who hate me without reason outnumber the hairs of my head; many are my enemies without cause, those who seek to destroy me. I am forced to restore what I did not steal.”

He was forced to restore what he did not steal. Accused of things he did not do.

Relationships are messy. And Jesus clearly understood. In fact, he specifically instructed us on what to do should we find ourselves in a disagreement with others. In Matthew 5:23-24, He said:

“This is how I want you to conduct yourself in these matters. If you enter your place of worship and, about to make an offering, you suddenly remember a grudge a friend has against you, abandon your offering, leave immediately, go to this friend and make things right. Then and only then, come back and work things out with God.”

I love how this doesn’t specify who is at fault. To God, who is at fault is not the question. It is about making things right, regardless of who is at fault. It doesn’t mean that we are taking the blame, but instead, taking the initiative to live in peace with that person. I know—it seems impossible. But, as believers, we are called to a higher standard. Called to love others as we would like to be loved—not as we are loved. A much different thing.

The truth is, there is an art to disagreeing. And, like most art, it’s not always easy to understand at first glance. The meaning, and the methods used, may not be clear in the beginning.

When it’s time to apologize:

The relationship with the other person is one that has lifelong potential, such as a family member, spouse, or long-time friend, and you value the relationship in spite of the disagreement.
You have approached them in love, and been refused.
You have tried to find a common ground, willing to give in, and been refused.
When you approach the person who has offended you, there is a rehashing of what happened—as if it just happened—instead of a willingness to find resolution.
The matter is affecting other people who were not part of the original disagreement.
You avoid gatherings where the person might be.
You have prayed about the situation and don’t feel the need to create a permanent boundary (you should not compromise in situations that involve physical or mental abuse of any kind).
You feel certain that if you apologize, the matter will end.
How to get your mind around apologizing when you’ve done nothing wrong:

You can show regret for the feelings the other person has incurred as a result of the situation without taking blame for the situation itself. This assumes that you did not intend to hurt feelings, or that the original action was intended for good and had unforeseen consequences for which you were not responsible. When doing this, make sure that you apologize with no caveats. Instead of “I’m sorry if you were offended by something I said” (putting the reaction back on them), say something like “I’m sorry for the way I’ve treated you” (putting the responsibility on you).
Decide what you are apologizing for, and state it plainly. An open-ended apology that makes you feel exposed to accepting something you did not do, will not end the disagreement. More than likely, it will cause bitterness that may escalate it. Instead, you can show grace to the person who offended you, and apologize for the part you played in the situation that followed the offense (such as: isolation from that person, bad feelings towards that person, etc.)
Don’t dwell on the truth. In many cases, the truth will lie between you, the offender, and God alone. In long standing disputes, the truth doesn’t matter as much as the separation it has caused.
Don’t make excuses for the person who caused the offense. Instead, offer mercy, knowing that you are freeing yourself as much as you are freeing them. They don’t have to answer to you for their actions, but you do have to answer to God.
Agree not to discuss it again. When both parties have been hurt, and an agreement of wrongdoing cannot be settled, it is best to let the situation go. In order to move forward, both parties need to agree that it is forgiven, and that it is best not to discuss it for the sake of the relationship.
In long standing disagreements, it’s not really about who is right or wrong, but who is willing to listen to the other person, and show understanding toward them. Most people don’t want conflict between themselves and others, but pride keeps them from admitting wrongdoing. Often, the person who suffered the mistreatment will be the one who is forced to end the argument with no apology from the other side. Showing grace and mercy to another who has offended you is not only an incredible gift to that person, but a living testimony of how your Savior would treat you. And, that alone, sisters, is enough to break the silence.

Article taken from LauraPolk.org

~sometimes I just gotta write~

Jesus Christ never changes

Words of comfort on a day when its needed. Thank You Jesus for being close to the brokenhearted. I will continue to follow You and be True to YOU, even when. Bless those Lord Jesus who call on You. Reveal to us Lord YOUR Will and may Your Spirit empower us to walk with You. No matter the Cost.


People change from day to day. The one day they love each other the next day they reject each other, they hate each other, they divorce. But Jesus Christ never changes. His love never changes. We must not put our faith in each other. We must not put our trust in people or even in ourselves. We must trust in Jesus Christ and know that He will never forsake us, He will never leave us. If we trust in people we will be disappointed. If we trust in Jesus we will never be disappointed.

Things might not turn out the way that we expected but of we trust Him then we know that His ways are best. Trust in Jesus and you will never be disappointed.

May Jesus bless you.

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I have a thing with acronyms…or I should say God likes to give me meanings to words that just sticks with me forever. The first one that biblically was YHWH – immediately I heard within my Spirit “You Have Work Here”. Then the most powerful was given to me during the hardest time I’ve had since coming to the Lord. Right before I woke up I kept repeating “Meaning of LIFE – Live Intentionally For Eternity.” Last night when I read a pretty picture that said HOPE I heard “Heaven Our Perfect Eternity”. Just now as I turned to ACTS 1 to begin to study I thought how fitting that this book is called “Acts”. Then I heard “A Church That Stands” I went to write this and tried changing it to “Saves” but as I wrote the word “Stands” came out. Which shows me yet again another acronym God has placed within my heart that I share with you.

My Prayer for {YOU}!

So I, Crystal bow in prayer before the Father from whom every family in heaven and on earth gets its true name. I, Crystal ask the Father in his great glory to give {you} the power to be strong inwardly through {his/her} Spirit. I pray that Christ will live in {your} heart(s) by faith and that {your} life will be strong in love and be built on love. And I, Crystal pray that {you} and all God’s holy people will have the power to understand the greatness of Christ’s love—how wide and how long and how high and how deep that love is. Christ’s love is greater than anyone can ever know, but I, Crystal pray that {you} will be able to know that love. Then {you} can be filled with the fullness of God. With God’s power working in us, God can do much, much more than anything we can ask or imagine. To him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus for all time, forever and ever. Amen.

Ephesians 3:14-21NCV

~sometimes I just gotta write~

Shine your Light – taken from Living Life Meditations

Our deepest fear is not that we are
Our deepest fear is that we are
powerful beyond measure.
It is our Light, not our Darkness, that
most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, who am I to be
brilliant, gorgeous, talented,
fabulous? Actually, who are you
NOT to be?
You are a child of God. Your playing
small does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightening about
shrinking so that other
people won’t feel unsure around you.
We were born to make manifest the
glory of God that is within us.
It is not just in some of us; it is in
As we let our own Light shine, we
unconsciously give
other people permission to do the
As we are liberated from our own
our presence automatically liberates

Marianne Williamson
(often attributed to Nelson Mandela,
who used it in his 1994 inaugural

Today’s Meditation:

This can be one of the hardest ideas in the world to
accept and to live. I am a light of the world. The
light that is within me can shine to help others to
find their own light. Wow. We tend to see the light
in other people who have become leaders and who
do wonderful things on a worldwide level, who
publish books on self-help and who lead seminars
and who become pastors and teachers and
motivational speakers.

But my “playing small does not serve the world.”
What an incredible thought that is: that I am serving
the world just by being who I truly am, not the
person I pretend to be because I think I should be
modest or unassuming. My ideas are valuable, my
insights can help other people, my presence can
make another human being feel secure enough so
that he or she can step out and take a risk and
possibly do something that he or she never before
has done.

This fear that we have of being different, of other
people mocking us or putting us down because we
are different–this fear not only holds us back, but
also holds back the people who could find in us the
example that they need to make something more of
themselves, to accept themselves more, to be happy
and to start to lead fulfilling, loving lives.

If you let your light shine, others will see it. Not
everyone will react as they should, but that’s their
fear reacting–it’s not a reflection of who you are.
Others whom you may never know will see that
light, and when they see your courage in letting it
shine brightly, your light can spark the courage in

Questions to ponder:

1. Does light have any effect when it’s covered up
and not allowed to shine? Do you cover your light up
so that others can’t always see it? How?

2. What would this world be like if everyone allowed
their inner light to shine without thinking about the
fears that tend to keep it hidden?

3. Do you play small? Does this help other people?

For further thought:

Fear can infect us early in life until eventually it cuts
a deep groove of apprehension in all our thinking.
counteract it, let faith, hope and courage enter your
thinking. Fear is strong, but faith is stronger yet.

Norman Vincent Peale

~sometimes I just gotta write~

Day Release from the “Funny Farm”

Friends, may those of us who have experienced pain and suffering allow God to use our lives to bring healing and encouragement to others. I ask that you take the time to read her blog and pray for her to find strength from the One who gives it, and for her to be a vessel for the Lord as she walks through a pivotal moment in her life.

Let us encourage one another!

Hope Blooms in Darkness

This is part 2 of my series on how good things can come from AWFUL experiences.

I may have used a bit of poetic license on the title… perhaps it should have read “a day visit out of the mental hospital with two minders” but that didn’t sound as catchy to me. So yes, today is the first time my Dad has come home for a whole year, he’s been in a high security mental hospital two hours away, so our contact hasn’t really been frequent and I am feeling lots of things about it.


In fact I am shaking, all the memories of the panic and paranoia whilst he was at home is getting to me. I don’t have any idea how he will react, or how we will react either and I really don’t want to think about it.

I’m hoping to update you with the truth of how…

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