Healing in hindsight

Gifted for Leadership: Be Still, Ailing Minister, Part 2

http://www.giftedforleadership.com/2013/05/be_still_ailing_minister_part_1.html

“About a year ago you were here.” She pointed to the page. “Now you are here, and you need to stay there as long as necessary. There’s no telling how long it will be, but you’ll know when it’s time to emerge. If you try to break free before you’re ready, truly ready, you’ll do more harm than good, and you’ll end up right back where you were at the point of your burnout.”

I could cry reading this one. See God has been working on me for years, even before I ever stepped foot into church. But when I finally did and allowed Him access to ALL of me, He began revealing areas that needed healing. And I knew these would. But then He touched areas that I had either never even knew existed or thought were conquered. Then to really shake things up He made sure when Matt died I had no one but Him to lean on. This was the hardest, yet most important part of my life thus far. Here’s the thing though, He kept me isolated and I knew in my heart, soul, and mind that I needed to be. Too many open wounds and emotional scars exposed to properly function. But this is frowned upon like the first article points out. So I went to church and tried to socialize on good days. Tried to volunteer bc my heart desperately wanted to please God and give back. BUT this caused me to put on a temporary bandage in order to make it through, only to have to yanked off and my husband or children suffer the wrath of all that was exposed.

As I read this, I could get bitter and keep score of how I had poor guidance. But what’s done is done. And they couldn’t have known the depths that God was going within my heart and mind. No, I will do what the Lord has ALWAYS done in my life. I will store this moment within my mind and emotions and ask Him to make sure I remember all of it, so I can be empathetic to the one He brings along my path in the future.

Friends, we are called to be the LIGHT of Christ in the world. Someone needs to walk in the darkness and keep stepping forward towards the glimmer of LIGHT we see up ahead. When we do this, and are transparent we leave a trail that Shines brighter than we imagine.

~sometimes I just gotta write~

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