Your husband is your Maker….


‘For your husband is your Maker, Whose name is the LORD of hosts; And your Redeemer is the Holy One of Israel, Who is called the God of all the earth.” Isaiah 54:5

I’ve quoted this a lot these past few weeks. Especially when talking about the relationship between me and my husband. (pictured above)

There is a quote that one of my friends sent me years ago, before I ever fell in love with God. It says: “A woman must be so lost in God that any man must go through Him in order to find her.” This quote really changed me and my heart over the years. Today I send this same quote to my single girl friends, in hope they will see the TRUTH that lies within.

When Chadd an I were first married we were both on fire for the Lord. Then life began to snatch away the Word and put out our fire. I resented my husband and our relationship. As time went on God began to slowly reveal to me that I was in fact the problem, not Chadd. I put too much pressure on him, I expected too much from him as my husband and the father of my children. Eventually everything broke and I learned that my husband is in fact my Maker.

When I no longer put the expectation on Chadd to fill me, I was able to find fulfillment from the ONLY one capable of filling me, God. Then Chadd was able to add to the ‘overflow’ and I was able to love him exactly where he was. Which this caused him to become the man that I have yearned for all along.

This past weekend I realized just how much I truly love this man. He was away for a mens retreat and I missed him terribly. I also realized while he was away that I haven’t allowed myself to really love him. I’ve kept him at a distance, afraid that he would disappoint me. And last night when we were laying in bed, guess what happened….I felt disappointed. I became angry and hurt. What does this mean? Well it means that I didn’t get what I wanted. James 4:1,2 tell us that we quarrel because we do not get what we want. So when I begin to argue with my husband, Holy Spirit reminds me of this and I begin to allow Wisdom to bring me understanding. As Proverbs 8 describes Wisdom to be a woman, she is very gentle in the way she reminds me that I am not here to be served but to serve, and my husband in the flesh is not here to serve me but to serve others. We are a unit yes, but ultimately we are here to help bring the Kingdom of God here, not to fulfill our fleshly desires.

Ladies, I want to first pray for you. Ask that God pour out the Holy Spirit within your hearts and allow Wisdom and Understanding to come to you as it has me, gently and lovingly. God knows what we need and He does lavish us with love and affection, sometimes through a song, a friend, a book. But when the time comes He will lavish us with the fleshly love we desire. I believe it’s up to us to continue to seek God first and allow the love that others give us to be an overflow.

Remember, our Maker is our Husband.


Lessons I’ve learned…

Ever have one of those days when you want to write, yet you’re not really sure what topic you want to write about. God hasn’t given you anything concrete to write, yet you still feel it stirring inside. No? Is it just me then? Possibly….

I tend to write a million blogs….in my head. Yet 1% of them actually make it here. I’m cautious as to what I write; more now than say 3 years ago when I started this blog. Why? Well….I’m not really 100% on that one. I want to always make sure I am authentic, and as transparent as possible. BUT….when I’m in a season of learning something new, I’m more cautious of what parts of this learning process I share with the “blog” world. I do not want to misrepresent the One whom I represent. Jesus Christ…God…aka my Papa….and I don’t want to act without the prompting of the Holy Spirit. I want to always know that what I write brings Him honor. Some way….some how.

I’ve had a lot of wonderful things occur within my life these past few months. Actually some really HUGE things. And typically I would be all gabs about these blessings, but something inside says… “Nah….let’s just keep them between those of us who know” In the past this would be because of worry of what others might think. I had an unhealthy relationship that I allowed to cause me a lot of internal doubting.

Today though I have an inner peace as to why I’m not naming all of the amazing things that have happened. I feel as if God is saying….”Oh, honey we are just beginning. Don’t spoil the main event with the appetizer” Apparently my Papa confuses His analogies just for me. LOL

I would like to share some things I’ve learned over the last few months.

First thing I learned is: when you’re fearful of something happening, and this keeps you from stepping forward….God tends to allow that “thing” to happen. Possibly to show you that the fear was a lie and you do survive…in fact when the hurt is over and you’re thankful it is not only over but that it occurred….you then begin to THRIVE!!!


Second: Pruning is not only a natural part of growing, it’s a MUST. Pruning is a term used in gardening. Well God tends to prune things and people out of our lives that are stunting our growth in HIM! Do NOT stop Him, AND do not think that the things or people He is trying to prune from you aren’t going to be good things and good people. Some times we have to let go of the GOOD, in order to get GOD.

Third: Dream Big! Ask God for MORE! MORE of His presence…. MORE Encounters with Him. MORE, MORE, MORE. Do NOT settle….do NOT limit what He is wanting to release into you and your life. ASK FOR MORE!!!

Fourth: And this one is one that I have known since the get go (and I mean since my born again birthday). The Bible is absolutely TRUE, and it’s 100% for TODAY. Nothing in it is no longer available to us today. God KNEW who would be reading it when He had the men pen what He wanted. The Gifts of healing, casting out demons, speaking in tongues and so on those are ALL still available to US today. I know….but don’t take my word for it….ask God for yourself. Ask God to reveal Himself to you…..See I had faith like Gideon. So for the last 3 years I have repeatedly asked God to make the wool wet, dry, wet, dry, wet, dry… get the picture. And want to know something…..He has. Now I am able to hear Him more clearly and know by the 2nd or 3rd time that He is in fact speaking directly to me.

Helping others hear the Voice of God has become a passion for me. I want others to truly understand what Jesus meant when He said in John 10:14 “I am the good shepherd; I know my sheep and my sheep know me” I have realized that what I thought was my purpose, giving children a voice…actually has been about helping His children hear His Voice.

Oh….and last but not least I have learned that there are some amazingly sold out Christ lovers in this world….and God has brought so many into my life via Facebook. I am truly thankful! Love you my I AM MBK family!


~sometimes I just gotta write~


Do you not know that YOU are the HOME of the Holy Spirit?


One day in your temple is better than a thousand anywhere else. I would rather serve in your house, than live in the homes of the wicked. Psalms 84:10CEV*

*disclaimer: Please know I know the context of the Psalm 84:10; I just felt it important to share with you what I just heard from the Lord as I read it.

First, I’d like to remind us of what 1 Corinthians 6:19 says: Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; (NIV)

The Holy Spirit of God, which lived within Jesus as He walked our earth, now, lives inside of you and I. (if you are born again, See John 3 for explanation of what this means) This morning I read the above verse like this “One day in your temple, Crystal, is better than a thousand elsewhere.” It still hits me with a quickening from within, that causes my eyes to instantly tear reading it like that. Why? Because friends, I struggle daily believing that God, the living almighty Creator of Heaven and Earth would CHOOSE to live within ME! But see as quickly as I wanted to argue with what I heard within my spirit this morning, He, my Papa reminded me of the scripture that confirms that He IS talking to me, by using my earthly Dad’s birthday 6/19.

But being who I am, I couldn’t just hold onto this. I know that I have many many many lady friends on my Facebook page that need to know that GOD…..the Almighty Creator of Heaven and Earth LONGS….truly LONGS…DESIRES for YOU to KNOW deep within that HE LOVES LOVES LOVES YOU. When a man rejects you and you have that aching pain from within that cries out “why won’t they love me?” This is what Jesus feels when He sees you turn from the goodness He daily tries to give to you.

He doesn’t want us to feel this pain, this is why He became man and died for us. He took away that wrath, the pain, it’s all gone and accounted for. We just have to believe it. WANT it. And when I say believe it, I mean believe that we deserve the God quality of LOVE & LIFE.

Friends, this is being read my men also, and I want you to hear what I am saying also. Everything about YOU that you try to hide or mask because it seems to out of the norm….that is His unique fingerprint that He places within ONLY YOU. Please do not keep that from US. In Luke 19:11-27 & Matthew 25:14-30 Jesus talks about those who are given different amounts of talents/money. Those of us with the small amount believe that what we have isn’t worth much so we keep it hidden….and friends can I please tell you this breaks the heart of Jesus. He CHOSE us to rise up, and the small piece of Him that He has placed within us….if I may be so bold to say immolates the life that HE CHOSE here on earth.

He chose to be born to a common family, whom had to flee for their lives from the King of the Nation. GOD the CREATOR of the WORLD, chose to be a no-one, to save everyone. Please do not think, believe, or walk out in disbelief from what I am writing to you, what Jesus told me as I lay on the ground after being touched by the Holy Spirit.

He LOVES US so deeply, and LONGS for us to LOVE HIM the way that He loves us.

SO this morning as I read, ““One day in your temple, Crystal, is better than a thousand elsewhere.” I heard (hear) Him saying all over again “That’s MY girl” I pray that you will read this and add your name and allow His words penetrate your heart and KNOW truly how much He desires to have an intimate relationship with you.

And if you haven’t been baptized in the name of Jesus Christ, and think this isn’t for you, I want you to read this:

The Spirit gives life; the flesh counts for nothing. The words I have spoken to you are Spirit and they are life. Yet there are some of you who do not believe. This is I tell you that NO ONE CAN COME TO ME UNLESS THE FATHER HAS ENABLED THEM. (John 6:63,64a,65 emphasis and paraphrase mine [yet remember who lives within me])

Your physical actions do not keep the Fathers love and desire for you to be in Union with Him away. He IS calling YOU RIGHT NOW. And will continue to call you each and everyday, all day. Come to Him… Cry out to Him right now. Ask Jesus for the Life He designed for you…and invite the Holy Spirit into your body, temple, life. Praying for you now!

“If you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you WILL be saved. It is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved.” Romans 10:9,10

My Foundation is SET….

For the last 5 years I have heard and said over and over again to women who were hurting and broken hearted. “You need Jesus. Cry out to Jesus. Give it to Jesus.” Can I tell you something that I have struggled with for the last 5 years since surrendering my life over to this Jesus? I had no idea who He was. I mean I had head knowledge of who He was, and I had even experienced the power of Christ within my life. But I didn’t KNOW Him, or know HOW to know Him anymore than I already did. Or most importantly….. how to ignore the lies I knew about Him. So today I want to share with you the lies that kept me from fully believing in Jesus, and the way Satan used this to almost steal my Identity.

Jesus is First Our Lord and Savior. This many of you know. So did I. I was even baptized into this Truth….but still I doubted in this man that was also God. I have been unprepared in the basics of WHO Jesus is and HOW He is Man and God. Jesus was placed in Mary’s womb by the Holy Spirit.  Matthew 1:18-25 gives the account to this, but still my mind couldn’t wrap around this. Even though I KNOW the Bible is true, something inside of me said”c’mon this is CRAZY, what if she cheated on Joseph and got pregnant.” That something inside of me is the voice of lies, ie the devil, satan, our enemy. God finally squashed this lie last month, after 5 years of living for Him He opened my eyes and ears and said. “Crystal, you believe that I created this entire universe by the power of my Words, but you don’t think I can place a child inside of a woman?”  Well when you put it like that….how can I not believe?

Another lie that kept me from believing that Jesus is the Son of God was his baptism.   What was KEY for me to seal the truth about Jesus being fully man and fully God was what God says about sin. See the voice of lies that I listened to said “well Jesus was baptized so who knows if He actually sinned since we don’t know anything about Him” Jesus had to live a sinless life under the law in order to become a sacrifice blameless and pure and fulfill the law. God cannot dwell within a man when there is SIN in Him. And in Matthew 3:16 it says “As soon as Jesus was baptized, he went up out of the water. At that moment heaven was opened, and He saw the Spirit of God descending like a dove and lighting on him.” Jesus then became FULLY GOD, He had lived a life of obedience to The Father and because He was blameless without sin, God then gave His FULL AUTHORITY to Jesus, making Him The Christ, The Anointed One, The Messiah. No sacrifice was needed for Jesus because there was no sin in Him. God would not have given Jesus FULL authority had there been any sin within Him.

When we are baptized in the Name of Jesus Christ we also are forgiven for ALL of our sins, which allows GODs Holy Spirit, the Christ to now DWELL IN US. Making US as Jesus ONE WITH THE FATHER. But this is only through the blood Jesus shed for us on the cross.

These were two lies that lingered within my mind and because they were left unchecked I was led into a terrifying trap.

Two years ago I left the Bible and went to other teachings, not having my foot on solid ground and opened my mind up to Satan big time. Jesus says in John 10:1  “I tell you the truth, the man who does not enter the sheep pen by the gate, but climbs in by some other way, is a thief and a robber.” Then in 7 He says “I tell you the truth, I am the gate for the sheep” Jesus is our foundation…we have to KNOW WHO HE IS BEFORE our foundation for our spiritual houses will ever be stable. Before the Helmet of our salvation will ever work.

2 Timothy 3, Paul talks about the Godlessness in the Last Days. In Verses 1-5 Paul gives some pretty harsh characteristics about these “godless” people but I want to focus on Verse 5 “having a form of godliness but denying it’s POWER. Have nothing to do with them.”

Having a form of godliness but denying its POWER. Ladies, we have the POWER OF GOD in us. We are One with God as Jesus, but Jesus had attained the FULL AUTHORITY of God, which we do not. We are given authority through Jesus Christ, according to our Faith. This isn’t taught to often in churches today, and I needed to know what was going on inside of me. And this is where and why I believe I had been led astray so easily.  



Satan comes disguised as Light and lies to us. He lied to me for years with the Word of God about who Jesus was. I had to study and study and pray and study more to learn about what was going on inside of me. But every time I would get close, I would break. Why? Because I did NOT FULLY believe without a doubt that Jesus was the Son of God. That Jesus is God. Eventually, I stopped seeking for only my Spirit to be taught and needed to continue in Truth.

See other philosophies teach about The Christ, which so far everything that I have read agrees with scripture. But they leave out who JESUS is. There is a saying that God has been playing in my mind over and over and it says “ The best lies are 99% true” They focus on the Spirit of God, the Christ. Which was leading me away from the foundation of my Eternal Life, Jesus.

James 3 talks about two kinds of Wisdom one is from God, and one is from the devil. Ladies I am standing before you today, having been baptized in the name of Jesus Christ. Being baptized by The Holy Spirit, and confess to you that I have been given wisdom from the devil. Lies used by the Word of God to tell me that Jesus and Elijah were the beasts in revelations. That Psalm 146 talks about how when Jesus died and came back to life his plans were thwarted that He chose the Devil and we were all now being deceived. For two years I have wrestled with this lie inside of me, as I imagine as Jacob wrestled with the Spirit of God. Only I thought I was wrestling with the devil. Because I did not have my foundation in place, this lie has kept me bound up in fear of being a child of the devil. These lies ladies are lies that creep in and steal our identity In Christ. I was blind to the truth that I was in prison, simply because I couldn’t believe.

When I first began studying the Word I was also in a Christian College and I remember asking my professor about Matthew 3:11 which says “I baptize you with water for repentance. But after me will come one who is more powerful than I, whose sandals I am not fit to carry.  He will baptize you with the Holy Spirit and with fire.” I asked him what it meant by “fire” He was unable to tell me.


Today I believe I have a little bit of understanding as to what this “fire” is. Continuing it says: “His winnowing fork is in his hand, and he will clear his threshing floor, gathering his wheat into the barn and burning up the chaff with unquenchable fire.” In the parable of the weeds in Matthew 13:24-30 Jesus talks about how the enemy planted “weeds” among good soil. And in verse 28 the servants ask “Do you want us to go and pull them up?” He says “No” Let them both grow together when the harvest comes first collect the weeds and burn them up, then gather the wheat and bring them in my barn,”

When we are baptized in the name of Jesus Christ we are made new, God now sees us through Jesus. Blameless. Then Jesus sends us the Holy Spirit, The Spirit of Truth which judges us. The Fire that He also baptizes us with I believe is to refine us from the impurities, the LIES that we have come to believe, even if we don’t realize it.

It has taken 5 years for this “fire” to refine me from the lies that kept me from knowing Who Jesus Christ is. Until I knew who He was, I couldn’t believe who he says I am…and without knowing who I am in Christ…I was lost. Today I stand before you covered by the Blood of Jesus Christ, my eyes are open and I am no longer blind to the truth that I AM UNFORSAKEN. I HAVE BEEN REDEEMED. There is POWER in ME & YOU claim it… in His name.

The truth says in Acts 2:38,39 “Repent and be baptized, every one of you, in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins. And you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit.” The promise is for you and your children and for all who are far off—for all whom the Lord our God will call. — if you’re reading this and you have not been baptized in the Name of Jesus Christ then God is now calling YOU. Will you listen?

Journal enteries from 4/26/11

“In order to go forward, I must go back”

When building a bridge each plank must be placed and secure, before placing another one. When I skip ahead and do not secure my footing-everything breaks and I have to go back.


From Purpose Driven Life, Day One Question to ponder: In spite of all that is around me, How can I remind myself that life is REALLY about living FOR God, not me?

Constantly reading your Word, surrounding myself by Christ following believers. Read my writings about the countless times you’ve pulled me through ANY situations, not just to get through, but truly and honestly you have revealed so much more about who you are, and why you chose me, you heal areas of my heart that I didn’t even realize were damaged!

I am more because of the trial, storms, destruction, pain and sorrow- never am I less- because you are beyond anything in this world, and just as I created my children to be, (well better versions) of me- you created me, so I can be like You!

I am never less than who I was yesterday, to think I cannot be worthy of anything less than perfection- is how I can remind myself to remember WHOSE I AM-who created me to like him – I pray Lord my selfish heart remembers that I am like you – (well on my way) when I insult myself I am insulting GOD! Forgive me for I did not know!!

~sometimes I just gotta write~

Brokenhearted for Mothers today

I always know when it’s been too long since I last written when my nails have grown so long. 🙂 There just hasn’t been anything to write about….until last night. I attended Real Women through my church Real Life Christian Church, in Clermont FL. After large group we broke up to randomly selected small groups. (Although 4 of the 7 ladies all work as teachers and know one another).

Each of us went around and told our names as well as adding something about us. This is where the subject of this blog came to mind. One of the ladies is pregnant with her third daughter. Right away I could sense a tad of anxiety in saying “three girls”. Maybe you even cringed a little while reading that. One woman replied, “Oh wow”. Not being a mother herself we could understand the response. Then our group leader, being a mother of 4 grown boys tried to give her encouragement, I’m assuming she could also feel the anxiety in her words, “three girls”. “It’s easier when you have all the same” and then the mom to be replied with a commonly stated phrase, “I’m just worried about the teen years with 3 girls”.

How many times have you heard or said this? Personally I strongly dislike hearing this. We already defeat ourselves of Gods promise to provide all that we need. Mind you many of us, myself included think of this as a financial provision. But where in Gods Word does He ever say I will provide you with money? No, He tells us that He knows what we need, and will provide this for us. He knows we need the strength and wisdom to be mothers in todays’ day. BUT…the enemy wants us to ‘doubt’ this. Just like he wanted Eve to doubt God in the garden, just like he tried to get Jesus to doubt whose He was in the wilderness.

Ladies, if we are women of God and the Holy Spirit is living within us then we MUST stop letting the WORLD define what kind of “teen” years we will have with our children. We MUST STOP defeating ourselves before we even get our kids out of diapers. He who lives IN us (Holy Spirit), is GREATER than he who lives in the world. Do you believe this?

I instantly told this woman that it doesn’t have to be this way. That she can choose to be different, she can choose to let God be in control of this relationship and not the world. Do you know what she said? And I quote: “Thank you! That is the FIRST time anyone has ever said that to me. I really needed to hear that.”

Then within seconds our group leader, replied. “Well, we also have to make sure we are not too naive and just take one day at a time. I raised 4 boys and my advice is take one day at a time” There’s that well meaning, plan B. My heart broke, again!

Did you catch what I just wrote? My heart broke, again! First, do you remember how many girls she will be the mother of? That’s right, THREE. And this was the FIRST time this active Christian woman has heard that the teenage years did NOT have to be directed by the world. WHY? How can this woman have gone through the last 5 years and not one single person encouraged her as a mother? How can she worship God and walk along side other women and not ONE single person tell her that God is the one who directs our lives not the world?

Mothers I challenge you today to think about the last time you encouraged another mother in parenting. I ask you to consider your words carefully when another mother is having a hard time. Do NOT add to her burden….we are to point others to CHRIST at ALL times. Yes, we will fall short at times….BUT that is NOT an excuse to continue in fallin short. I am praying that those who are reading this repent of the negative chatter that we have about the future of our children. The WORLD DOES NOT DIRECT YOUR PATHS. If we TRUST IN THE LORD IN ALL OUR WAYS, HE WILL MAKE YOUR PATHS STRAIGHT. God is NOT a liar. You can bank on His Word as TRUTH!

The second way my heart broke was with the well meaning, plan B. God did not create a Plan B. Jesus was NOT plan B. GOD KNEW! JESUS KNEW! THE HOLY SPIRIT KNEW! Yet together they STILL created the Heavens and the Earth, and US! Yes, we will fall short in this life, BUT that does not mean we don’t strive for perfection every single day at every single thing. Jesus did it. So can we.

Do you believe that? The SAME Spirit that lived inside Jesus as He walked this earth ALSO lives in US! It’s through this power that we can live in victory! The truth that we will be complete the day Jesus comes back, is not for us to procrastinate on perfection. It’s a promise; I consider for us to not give up when we do fall.

Mothers, I again want to challenge you to speak life into your friends. Speak Truth into the women who have children younger than yours. If you are going through teenage years and they are hard…then accept your role in that and go to God and pray for Him to reveal to YOU what YOU can do to change YOUR behavior to HELP your children. God gives wisdom to those who ask according to His will. That means when praying, make sure your heart is asking for the right reasons. Not just because you’re tired of the hard years, but because these are His children also that He entrusted YOU to raise up in His Word. To teach them how to live in this world, which is getting worse by the minute, in a way that glorfies HIM! p.s. it helps to live in way that honors Him yourself FIRST.

~sometimes I gotta write~

The Spirit gives life; the flesh counts for nothing.

“This is why I told you that no one can come to me unless the Father has enabled him.” John 6:65 NIV

I know that I have had to have read these words before, but today they stood out to me in a new way. Recently a woman I have been praying for has reached out to me to help her renew her relationship with God. Which has renewed my relationship as well. Not that I have strayed; but there was a dullness in my passion. I had begun to doubt my effectiveness to those on my Facebook page. (This is where I have felt led to reach women where they are, and God has continually opened up hearts and allowed my life within Him effect others.)

As I’ve been praying ever more for her these last few days, I’ve been reminded of the time when I was where she is at this moment in her life. Broken from trying to live this life on my own. Man, was that an exhausting place to be. As I’ve done this God has given me the words to pray and to send her as an encouragement. When I read these words this morning she came to mind. I wanted to send them to her to say “Look…God has enabled YOU, you can rest knowing that none of this is your doing.” Which brings me to the very first passage that I read this morning, before this one. “The Spirit gives life; the flesh counts for nothing” John 6:63a (and to be honest until this very moment I read that line in a different context for a totally different struggle that I’m faced with. That’s why I love writing so much….God always speaks to me when I think He wants to just speak through me.)

See what these Words have spoken to me today are TRUTH. God has enabled me to see them as life. I can do all the things that seem “right” and still never accomplish anything for Him. I can truly REST knowing that He will enable me, and His Spirit is providing life for me and those He places in my life.

If you are where she is at the beginning of a long journey back to the Father, or where I am overly joyful to hear His voice after a time of silence, I hope these words have helped encouraged you. If they haven’t that’s ok because they’ve encouraged me…. Just try to remember that no matter where you are in your journey with Our Father….He has already enabled you to do so. He has called you back into His presence. Rest in Him.  Let His Spirit GIVE you life. Anything you think you need to do, will count for NOTHING.

Keep getting back up

Keep getting back up

This email triggered the following post. Which is an email I sent to women I care about. Wanted to share it on here also. Hoping it encourages someone.

Good Morning Ladies,

I’m not currently reading this study but I still have the emails sent to me. A couple days ago I happen to open one of them and the author Melissa Taylor was having one attack after another. It felt very similar to times where I felt I couldn’t even get my knees wiped off before I had been knocked down again. I’m sure some of you if not all can relate.

Today I happen to open it again and I was so encouraged by her email. Tears came in the beginning, you Momma’s who grasp onto your babies as a life line when you’re sinking will see it when you get there. But the reason I wanted to share her words with you is bc we need to be reminded that we are ALL in this battle together. We ALL, rich, famous, poor, housewife, whatever your label, we are ALL in this battle and we all get knocked down. It’s who we lean on that helps get us up. Surround yourself ladies with women who speak LIFE into your life. Not suck it out. Separate yourselves from anyone who causes that burden to seem heavier than it really is. Even if that person is family….you need to be proactive in this battle and the first step in that is by eliminating anyone and anything that causes your walk in Christ to come to a halt.

If you are that person in someone’s life than repent of it and make right what you’ve said or done. (Ok that apparently was for me and my marriage bc as I’m writing this I’m thinking none of these women would do that….which means its me and I have to repent of the behavior I’ve displayed to ny husband…doh! Hate when that happens.)

Anyway, there’s my morning heart for those of you who took the time to read. Love you! And am praying for you to keep getting back up.

He even planned that….

“Living by Faith not by sight” KP Yohannan (bold added by me)

 When I am faced with problems, disappointments, lack of resources or sickness, if I fix my eyes on the things that are visible, then all those difficulties discourage me and I get weighed down by the impossibilities. But when I turn my eyes to the invisible, fixing them on God, all those difficulties become instruments He uses to help me live by faith. By faith, those afflictions are used to change me on the inside so that I reflect His glory. These pains and hardships will lead to the benefits and rewards that He promised, if I would only trust Him in the situations of life. But if I do not keep my eyes focused beyond the problems, beyond the struggles and beyond the here and now and on God, then those promises will not come about, simply because I am not putting my faith to work.

I remember back to when I was 16 years old serving with Operation Mobilization. It was there that I first began to understand that every disagreement, every problem, every tension, every irritation happens in our lives because God has orchestrated it. He has designed it. God put us in that situation or with that person so that we would be changed into His image. You may say, “I don’t want this kind of problem.” But He has designed it just for you, to be an instrument to make you like Him.

Reading this two nights ago, after the most infuriating month, filled with bitterness, rage, anger, self-righteousness,  judgment, doubt and hoplessness. I was able to see why and how I got myself there. Bc I forgot all of the truth that I have in my head. I knew… these things, but I also knew all of those things I listed….and God will not force me to walk in His light. He does not change for me…He does not alter the Way of His word just bc I am a proclaimed Christian, and if I suffer others might doubt in His existence. He doesn’t NEED me, He WANTS me, He LOVES me, He KNOWS me, and knows that I would never want Him to change so that my time here on earth would be easier, I would never want Him to change even if I threaten Him to end it all bc it’s just too hard.

What a disgrace I bring to being a Christian….when I refuse to see how I allowed myself to get that moment of those feelings. I don’t bring disgrace to being a Christian bc I have those moments where my rage overtakes me, I don’t bring disgrace to being a Christian when I am so angry for being mistreated for no reason, I don’t bring disgrace to being a Christian when I am filled with dispair. I bring disgrace to being a Christian when I refuse to see that it is MY doing, that it is MY responsibility to repent of those feelings, that it is MY choice to dwell in misery OR bring honor to God. When I admit that I am a sinner in need of a Savior, that I do not do the things I want to do, and do the things I do not want to do, that I am unable to make it on my own in this body without sinning if He is not with me.

I uttered that same quote so many times this month “I don’t want this problem” even worse I said “I didn’t ask for this life, or this gift…I don’t want it…I’m not strong enough” What’s so sweet is even in my anger I didn’t lie to God. I didn’t ask to be born – He gave me life. I didn’t ask for the spiritual gift of prophecy – He gave it to me. I’m not strong enough to live without Him, I’m not strong enough to use His gifts without Him. You see He designed this life JUST for ME. Not you, not your mom, not your friend, JUST ME!

How beautiful is that? You are reading this right now bc God wanted your eyes to see into my heart, where He lives. He can live in yours too, all you have to do is ask Him to forgive your sins, Believe in Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior, he lived, died, and rose just so you can ask Him this very question, at this very moment. If you have not already accepted Our Fathers gift simply ask Him to help you repent of your ways, be baptized, to allow His Spirit to live within you….and one day you will be able to say these things to another…the one God created your life for. ♥