Her sins are many…

It is a trustworthy statement, deserving full acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, among whom I am foremost of all.

1 Timothy 1:15 NASB

Have you ever looked at an old picture of yourself and thought “WOW, if only people knew just how lost I was behind that smile?” 

This is my current Facebook profile picture. It came up on my ‘memories’ and I thought how appropriate for the frame they have saying “Saved by His Amazing Grace” so I posted it. 

I can’t stop looking at it with such gratitude. Knowing that in that moment I was an alcoholic stripper, having an emotional online affair with a married man, and had no idea who Jesus was. 

For this reason I say to you, her sins, which are many, have been forgiven, for she loved much; but he who is forgiven little, loves little.”

Luke 7:47 NASB

Today, 12 years later I sing His praises and rejoice at the life He redeemed me from. 

He brought me up out of the pit of destruction, out of the miry clay, And He set my feet upon a rock making my footsteps firm. He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God; Many will see and fear And will trust in the Lord .

Psalms 40:2‭-‬3 NASB

I don’t hide my past from others. I hope to never forget how far I’ve fallen. I desire to stay empathetic to those who are broken and lost in darkness. To show them that He is a Good God and desires that we ALL be saved through the blood of Jesus Christ. 

I, even I, am the one who wipes out your transgressions for My own sake, And I will not remember your sins.

Isaiah 43:25 NASB

Moreover, I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you; and I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh. I will put My Spirit within you and cause you to walk in My statutes, and you will be careful to observe My ordinances. You will live in the land that I gave to your forefathers; so you will be My people, and I will be your God. Moreover, I will save you from all your uncleanness; and I will call for the grain and multiply it, and I will not bring a famine on you.

Ezekiel 36:26‭-‬29 NASB

Then He said to her, “Your sins have been forgiven.”  And He said to the woman, “Your faith has saved you; go in peace.”

Luke 7:48‭, ‬50 NASB

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Your husband is your Maker….

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‘For your husband is your Maker, Whose name is the LORD of hosts; And your Redeemer is the Holy One of Israel, Who is called the God of all the earth.” Isaiah 54:5

I’ve quoted this a lot these past few weeks. Especially when talking about the relationship between me and my husband. (pictured above)

There is a quote that one of my friends sent me years ago, before I ever fell in love with God. It says: “A woman must be so lost in God that any man must go through Him in order to find her.” This quote really changed me and my heart over the years. Today I send this same quote to my single girl friends, in hope they will see the TRUTH that lies within.

When Chadd an I were first married we were both on fire for the Lord. Then life began to snatch away the Word and put out our fire. I resented my husband and our relationship. As time went on God began to slowly reveal to me that I was in fact the problem, not Chadd. I put too much pressure on him, I expected too much from him as my husband and the father of my children. Eventually everything broke and I learned that my husband is in fact my Maker.

When I no longer put the expectation on Chadd to fill me, I was able to find fulfillment from the ONLY one capable of filling me, God. Then Chadd was able to add to the ‘overflow’ and I was able to love him exactly where he was. Which this caused him to become the man that I have yearned for all along.

This past weekend I realized just how much I truly love this man. He was away for a mens retreat and I missed him terribly. I also realized while he was away that I haven’t allowed myself to really love him. I’ve kept him at a distance, afraid that he would disappoint me. And last night when we were laying in bed, guess what happened….I felt disappointed. I became angry and hurt. What does this mean? Well it means that I didn’t get what I wanted. James 4:1,2 tell us that we quarrel because we do not get what we want. So when I begin to argue with my husband, Holy Spirit reminds me of this and I begin to allow Wisdom to bring me understanding. As Proverbs 8 describes Wisdom to be a woman, she is very gentle in the way she reminds me that I am not here to be served but to serve, and my husband in the flesh is not here to serve me but to serve others. We are a unit yes, but ultimately we are here to help bring the Kingdom of God here, not to fulfill our fleshly desires.

Ladies, I want to first pray for you. Ask that God pour out the Holy Spirit within your hearts and allow Wisdom and Understanding to come to you as it has me, gently and lovingly. God knows what we need and He does lavish us with love and affection, sometimes through a song, a friend, a book. But when the time comes He will lavish us with the fleshly love we desire. I believe it’s up to us to continue to seek God first and allow the love that others give us to be an overflow.

Remember, our Maker is our Husband.

New Commandment?

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Do you KNOW that ALL of your sins have been paid for? Forgiven? No wrath will come upon those who believe in their hearts Jesus is Lord and GOD raised Him from death, confess with their mouth these beliefs? (Romans 10:9,10) when this true conversion comes then we begin to live with the power of God within us, as we OBEY the commands of Jesus. They are LOVE, and GIVE. Give LOVE in whatever form that is that they need. We place OTHERS ABOVE ourselves.

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We FORGIVE everyone who hurt US and everyone who continues to hurt us. This is a forever thing. This is a NEW (yet old) Commandment given to us.

My dear friends, I am not writing to give you a new commandment. It is the same one you were first given, and it is the message you heard. But it really is a new commandment, and you know its TRUE meaning, just as Christ does. You can see the darkness fading away and the TRUE Light already shining.

If we claim to be in the Light and hate someone, we are still in the dark. But if we love others, we are in the light, and we don’t cause problems for them. If we hate others, we are living and walking in the dark. We don’t know where we are going, because we can’t see in the dark. 1John 2:7-11 CEV

It IS possible and there are two men in the bible that have forgiven AS they were being murdered. Do you know their names?

Here’s the key, they BOTH were filled with the Holy Spirit of God. We need to ask for MORE of God’s power each day, everyday,  and every situation. Its only by being ONE with the Father that we can do anything.

image I am the Vine and you are the branches. If you stay joined to me and I stay joined to you, then you will produce lots of fruit. John 15:5

Friends, there is too much at stake to carry around this bitterness within us. Jesus hung on the cross and asked the Father to forgive US for what we have done. Stephan asked that their sins not be counted against them, AS they were stoning him. And what did he see? Jesus STANDING in the Throne room. (see ACTS 7:54-8:1)

What do we do when someone comes up to speak at a conference that we have great honor for? That’s right we STAND. Jesus showed Stephan great honor by standing for him.

This is what we ALL should desire, for Jesus, Son of God to stand when He sees us because we have taken His Life literal and choose to become the ones who reflect HIS IMAGE in ALL areas of our life. There is too much unforgiveness and it is time that we call on the ONLY ONE who can empower us to forgive those who hurt us daily. We must ask that God pour out HIS Spirit and reveal to us the dark areas of our hearts.

Not because we fear our salvation. That is already ours. No because our LOVE and HONOR for Jesus is so GREAT nothing in this life is worth more. May we continue to die to ourselves and may His Holy Spirit continue to be poured into us. Each day may we rise asking God what we can do for HIS Kingdom. How can we be the change that He desires in our communities? And then we must realize that we NEED to ask Him every day, all day, for MORE, MORE, MORE, of HIM. ALWAYS SEEK MORE!

~sometimes I just gotta write~

He still loves….me

Sometimes I hate myself. I mean really hate myself. When I was a kid I used to cut myself and I didn’t care what scars I left on my body. Today as an adult this still manifests itself is in the things I tell myself.

The scary part for me is the way my thoughts can really take over and pour out into this world. I’m a mother so I have 4 children that will and are affected by my behavior. But specifically I have 2 children that have already lost a father to suicide, and when I get in these self-hatred states I do hope to die. I rationalies that Chadd would do a much better job at parenting, and his family have everything I ever wanted as a kid so they will be fine. God loves them more than I do, I’m just messing everything up anyway.

Earlier as I was going through these lies I hit my Facebook application and this is the picture I saw.

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This hit an area that I was trying to destroy. SO naturally I shut my Facebook down and started to provoke an argument with my husband. Thankfully, he stood firm and prayed and told me I was being attacked…and I of course like a hurt person usually does responded with more hurtful things. This kind of sickness I have struggled with all of my life. I am a self-healer and a self-hurter. What has to stop is the way I allow this anger and self-destruction out on my husband. I sat on my bed and thought ok what do I read. My bible sat near me, but like anyone who is filled with this kind of evil they don’t want to read God’s Word. Personally I know that’s exactly what I have to do though. God’s Word is the ONLY WAY to destroy what lies are destroying our inner peace. But I have a real fear of opening God’s Word when I’m like this. I’m afraid I won’t be able to stop from speaking evil against what I read…and blasphemy the Spirit. SO I stay away from it…which isn’t good.

So I opened the next best thing the book that my mentor wrote “Perfect Love” She equips me with the tools I need. The only other author that has affected my heart this way has been Beth Moore. Both women write for Jesus. Both women write what they KNOW works because ONE it’s God’s Word, TWO they’ve personally experienced it, and THREE they are anointed to heal the broken hearted, to set the captives free, the Spirit of the Lord is upon these women. So here is the page I opened to and the order in which my God allowed my poisoned heart to read.

Chapter 9 pg 75 “Perfect Love Buys Us Back”

Did you know that you are a slave? We are all slaves to something. We are either a slave to sin if we have not yet received Jesus Christ as our personal savior, or we are slaves to righteousness, when we give our life to Jesus. As that moment because of Christ’s sacrifice, His blood covers our sin once and for all and He covers us with His righteousness. We are made right before the eyes of a perfect God, not because of anything that we did, only because of what Jesus did on the cross.

(page flipped to page 78 – my birth year that I happen to have a heart around in the book) So if you are a born again and you are still struggling with some old habits, or hang ups and not really understanding why, it is because you need to work to renew your mind daily in the truths in God’s Word to break those habits and strongholds for good.

Girlfriend, hear my heart here, you must never believe the lies that the enemy will tell you, lies like; “Oh, you must not even be saved or you wouldn’t think like this anymore” or “ if you were really saved, God would have delivered you from this by now” or “no other Christian thinks like this”. (pg79) You see, the enemy loves to get God’s children believing that they were not truly bought from sin and the devil’s grasp for good, and that they are still in the devil’s chains. It is simply not true! The truth is, the second that you make Jesus Lord, you belong to God and satan has no true control over you anymore. The only power that he has is what you freely give him. Sin does not have power over you; you just need to get your stubborn heart to line up with God’s Word and believe it!

This is when I turned on my laptop and began writing. This is how I live out Revelation 12:10,11. In order for me to hurl down my accuser I write and confess and become as transparent as I possibly can. Why? Well…because I receive life when I read another’s transparency through their current struggles, and I want another to see that although I am redeemed in Christ Jesus, I struggle daily with my sanity. I struggle daily with my tongue (or fingers), I struggle daily if I am truly saved. I am a real person with real problems wanting to reach as many real people as I can with a Real solution. Jesus.

If you love to read like I do, and want authentic biblical teaching then please go to www.unforsakenministries.com and buy Mo Mydlo’s books. You won’t be disappointed.

Until next melt down…. just kidding.

Apologizing When You’ve Done Nothing Wrong

This has blessed me and my tattered heart. May her words heal you also.

Written by: Laura Polk

“Apologizing does not always mean that you’re wrong and the other person is right. It just means that you value your relationship more than your ego.”—Positive Outlooks

It’s not about me. It’s not about me. It’s not about me.

I repeated the mantra in my head over and over again. I set it to a tune. I hummed it in my mind. But it still wasn’t sinking in. It felt like it was about me. In fact, it felt like I was under attack. Being falsely accused of something I didn’t do.

But, it didn’t matter.

It’s not about me. It’s not about me. It’s not about me.

It wasn’t about me. There was a larger story at play. The one of my family, especially my children, suffering the consequences of an argument that I didn’t start, and couldn’t seem to end. It had gone on for years, and my attempts to get anyone to even acknowledge my viewpoint, were futile.

David struggled with this as well. In Psalm 69, he calls out to God in the midst of his accusers:

“Save me, O God, for the waters have come up to my neck. I sink in the miry depths, where there is no foothold. I have come into the deep waters; the floods engulf me. I am worn out calling for help; my throat is parched. My eyes fail, looking for my God. Those who hate me without reason outnumber the hairs of my head; many are my enemies without cause, those who seek to destroy me. I am forced to restore what I did not steal.”

He was forced to restore what he did not steal. Accused of things he did not do.

Relationships are messy. And Jesus clearly understood. In fact, he specifically instructed us on what to do should we find ourselves in a disagreement with others. In Matthew 5:23-24, He said:

“This is how I want you to conduct yourself in these matters. If you enter your place of worship and, about to make an offering, you suddenly remember a grudge a friend has against you, abandon your offering, leave immediately, go to this friend and make things right. Then and only then, come back and work things out with God.”

I love how this doesn’t specify who is at fault. To God, who is at fault is not the question. It is about making things right, regardless of who is at fault. It doesn’t mean that we are taking the blame, but instead, taking the initiative to live in peace with that person. I know—it seems impossible. But, as believers, we are called to a higher standard. Called to love others as we would like to be loved—not as we are loved. A much different thing.

The truth is, there is an art to disagreeing. And, like most art, it’s not always easy to understand at first glance. The meaning, and the methods used, may not be clear in the beginning.

When it’s time to apologize:

The relationship with the other person is one that has lifelong potential, such as a family member, spouse, or long-time friend, and you value the relationship in spite of the disagreement.
You have approached them in love, and been refused.
You have tried to find a common ground, willing to give in, and been refused.
When you approach the person who has offended you, there is a rehashing of what happened—as if it just happened—instead of a willingness to find resolution.
The matter is affecting other people who were not part of the original disagreement.
You avoid gatherings where the person might be.
You have prayed about the situation and don’t feel the need to create a permanent boundary (you should not compromise in situations that involve physical or mental abuse of any kind).
You feel certain that if you apologize, the matter will end.
How to get your mind around apologizing when you’ve done nothing wrong:

You can show regret for the feelings the other person has incurred as a result of the situation without taking blame for the situation itself. This assumes that you did not intend to hurt feelings, or that the original action was intended for good and had unforeseen consequences for which you were not responsible. When doing this, make sure that you apologize with no caveats. Instead of “I’m sorry if you were offended by something I said” (putting the reaction back on them), say something like “I’m sorry for the way I’ve treated you” (putting the responsibility on you).
Decide what you are apologizing for, and state it plainly. An open-ended apology that makes you feel exposed to accepting something you did not do, will not end the disagreement. More than likely, it will cause bitterness that may escalate it. Instead, you can show grace to the person who offended you, and apologize for the part you played in the situation that followed the offense (such as: isolation from that person, bad feelings towards that person, etc.)
Don’t dwell on the truth. In many cases, the truth will lie between you, the offender, and God alone. In long standing disputes, the truth doesn’t matter as much as the separation it has caused.
Don’t make excuses for the person who caused the offense. Instead, offer mercy, knowing that you are freeing yourself as much as you are freeing them. They don’t have to answer to you for their actions, but you do have to answer to God.
Agree not to discuss it again. When both parties have been hurt, and an agreement of wrongdoing cannot be settled, it is best to let the situation go. In order to move forward, both parties need to agree that it is forgiven, and that it is best not to discuss it for the sake of the relationship.
In long standing disagreements, it’s not really about who is right or wrong, but who is willing to listen to the other person, and show understanding toward them. Most people don’t want conflict between themselves and others, but pride keeps them from admitting wrongdoing. Often, the person who suffered the mistreatment will be the one who is forced to end the argument with no apology from the other side. Showing grace and mercy to another who has offended you is not only an incredible gift to that person, but a living testimony of how your Savior would treat you. And, that alone, sisters, is enough to break the silence.

Article taken from LauraPolk.org

~sometimes I just gotta write~

Unedited confession, turned testimony….

Matthew 9:27-31 JESUS HEALS THE BLIND…

As Jesus went from there, two blind men followed him, calling out, “Have mercy on us Son of David!” When he had gone indoors, the blind men came to him, and he asked them, “Do you believe that I am able to do this?” “Yes, Lord,” they replied. Then He touched their eyes and said, “According to your faith will it be done to you”; and their sight was restored. Jesus warned them sternly, “See that no one knows about this.” But they went out and spread the news about him all over that region.

Jesus healed them and then gave them a command. They disobeyed this command, AND Jesus did NOT take back from them the healing that He gave them. Tonight as my eyes happened to read these words, my mind was enlightened with this truth. God allowed me to notice something that I hadn’t seen before.

Why? I’m sure there are many reasons that I am unaware of at this moment. What I can tell you is this was for me, as well as for you. Maybe not all of you, but someone reading these words also needs to know that once Jesus heals us, once we call on His Name and believe deep within our hearts that He IS Our Lord and Savior, we are His. Our salvation is secure by the Blood that He freely poured out on the Cross. Nothing can take away what Christ has given.

See this is something I have struggled with, and even still as I write this my mind, spirit, and soul have not all agreed. The enemy of my soul wants to snatch this from me and keep me blinded by lies. But I know that my accuser has been hurled down by the Blood AND the testimony of my words. I know this because Revelations 12:10,11 tell me so. Friends this is my testimony of Gods amazing Grace. His patient heart towards those of us who doubt like Thomas. Not because we refuse to believe, but because of what we have seen, learned, and lived.

All my life I have messed things up. So many people have walked away when they promised they’d never leave. Many have seen me at my worst, and decided that it just wasn’t worth sticking around. I have been promised one thing, yet received another. So believing that God will NEVER forsake me, no matter bad I mess up….well it’s a very hard pill to swallow on most days. There are times when His Presence is strong and leading me, and this truth I can proclaim with every status update on Facebook and every email I send.

But then there are those moments when a friend has something I desired and my heart twinges with jealousy. Or my thoughts, words, or actions are led by the person I thought had died. But what’s hardest to deny is when my heart is filled with so much fear and guilt because I know the truth, and yet still fall for the traps set before me. It’s THIS guilt that condemns me because of what Hebrews 10:26 says “If we deliberately keep on sinning after we have received the knowledge of the truth, no sacrifice for sins is left, (and again I am shown a truth that my heart was closed off to see, until just now. It isn’t here in verse 26, but it is within the same sentence.) 27) but only a fearful expectation of judgment and of raging fire that will consume the enemies of God.”

Friends, I am not an enemy of God. This guilt that wreaked havoc within my mind and heart was lead by my desire to truly live a blameless and holy life. The deceiver that comes disguised as light has convinced me, and I’m sure others, that this guilt is truth and this text affirms that we are doomed. Only tonight the Spirit of Truth has revealed to me that I am NOT an enemy of GOD, and this anguish I feel when I have sinned against Him is a heart that is filled with sorrow, lead by the desire to please Him. Not one that is against God.

I am thankful that this has been revealed to and through me while writing. It is through His Blood AND our testimony that we have been set free from our accuser.

I pray that Gods Holy Spirit reveal His truth for YOU within this blog, confession, turned testimony. May we strive to live authentically whether online or face to face. Life in Christ is HARD…and impossible without His power leading. We NEED truth…even the truth that leaves us open for ridicule. May our lives not be loved so much that we fear what others might say when God has blessed us in some way.