Am I closer than you?

“You’re so close to the Lord, and I could really use some prayers”

“I know you have it in good with God, and I could really use some prayers”

These are just a couple of the messages I get when others are in need of prayer.

I’m humbled and honored to pray for them, that I’m trusted and thought of when they’re in need.

But I’ve got to be honest this idea that I am some how heard more than they are worries me.

The idea that we believe God has favorites, is heart wrenching. In His eyes He sees perfection in all His children. None more than another.

So this morning I asked Him to give me understanding so I can share the Truth with others. And as always He answered.

“You believe me and believe what you hear”

See it’s not that some are closer to God than others, it’s just that some of us trust and believe HIM more. We know His voice therefore are able to discern when He is talking versus our flesh or the enemy.

Our closeness doesn’t come from favoritism it comes from deep trust. One of my most valued life verses is Luke 1:45 “Blessed is she who believes in the promises that the Lord has spoken to her” (paraphrase)

I thought of my children to help explain this truth more.

Kayla trusts in my word. She trusts in my rules and knows that I make them out of love and protection for her. So she doesn’t question me but obeys. I never doubt that she will always make decisions based on what she has been told and what she knows I expect of her. She is easier to speak to because of her Faith in me.

Tristan listens but also needs to be told repeatedly what I expect. He is a little less believing in my rules so is excited to be an adult to test his boundaries. (He is a lot like me at his age 🤷‍♀️) Although, he is obedient, he doesn’t know my voice (rules) as closely as Kayla does and has to be told and watched more closely. He is harder to speak to because of his questions and this requires me to find different ways to assure him of my love and protection.

I love neither of them more than the other, one is just easier to speak to because one believes me and my word more than the other.

I don’t have a closer seat to our Father than others. I just believe Him and His word more.

I know His voice and I trust when He speaks to me.

I challenge you to listen to what I’ve written. Understand that the SAME POWER that was given to JESUS CHRIST is given to US. God of the Universe desires to empower YOU from WITHIN. Jesus said we will do GREATER things than HIM. It’s time you begin to study who God says YOU ARE and what He has ALREADY GIVEN TO US.

This is how you gain freedom within your mind. This is how you gain trust in who you are.
This is how your life truly changes.

My sheep hear My voice, and I know them, and they follow Me; and I give eternal life to them, and they will never perish; and no one will snatch them out of My hand.

John 10:27‭-‬28 NASB

Live by Faith, makes life sweeter

Numbers have always been used by God to speak to me. There are several passages throughout the Bible that are specific numbers that have such specific meaning to my life. This is one of them.

Keep me as the apple of the eye; Hide me in the shadow of Your wings
Psalms 17:8 NASB

I heard someone speak and say “You are the apple of God’s eye, you’re HIS girl” and I thought ‘imagine if that were true’.

See I was never a daddy’s girl. My dad and I were a lot alike therefore we battled for control. So to be the apple of my Daddy’s eye was foriegn to me. God knew this….. and made sure I would believe this when it was spoken. Because when I googled it to find out where it was written the numbers 17:8 is my birthdate.

See those without faith see that as a coincidence. I know my God had His hand in making sure those were the exact numbers so when my untrusting heart heard those precious words I would absolutely believe that I am indeed the apple of Gods eye.

I pray today you begin to believe the messages He sends you. I pray you believe that you are so special to God that He would indeed make sure hundreds of years ago specific numbers would be placed exactly where He needed them to say “Yup that’s specifically for you”

Trust His love for you. It’ll change your life.

He still loves….me

Sometimes I hate myself. I mean really hate myself. When I was a kid I used to cut myself and I didn’t care what scars I left on my body. Today as an adult this still manifests itself is in the things I tell myself.

The scary part for me is the way my thoughts can really take over and pour out into this world. I’m a mother so I have 4 children that will and are affected by my behavior. But specifically I have 2 children that have already lost a father to suicide, and when I get in these self-hatred states I do hope to die. I rationalies that Chadd would do a much better job at parenting, and his family have everything I ever wanted as a kid so they will be fine. God loves them more than I do, I’m just messing everything up anyway.

Earlier as I was going through these lies I hit my Facebook application and this is the picture I saw.



This hit an area that I was trying to destroy. SO naturally I shut my Facebook down and started to provoke an argument with my husband. Thankfully, he stood firm and prayed and told me I was being attacked…and I of course like a hurt person usually does responded with more hurtful things. This kind of sickness I have struggled with all of my life. I am a self-healer and a self-hurter. What has to stop is the way I allow this anger and self-destruction out on my husband. I sat on my bed and thought ok what do I read. My bible sat near me, but like anyone who is filled with this kind of evil they don’t want to read God’s Word. Personally I know that’s exactly what I have to do though. God’s Word is the ONLY WAY to destroy what lies are destroying our inner peace. But I have a real fear of opening God’s Word when I’m like this. I’m afraid I won’t be able to stop from speaking evil against what I read…and blasphemy the Spirit. SO I stay away from it…which isn’t good.

So I opened the next best thing the book that my mentor wrote “Perfect Love” She equips me with the tools I need. The only other author that has affected my heart this way has been Beth Moore. Both women write for Jesus. Both women write what they KNOW works because ONE it’s God’s Word, TWO they’ve personally experienced it, and THREE they are anointed to heal the broken hearted, to set the captives free, the Spirit of the Lord is upon these women. So here is the page I opened to and the order in which my God allowed my poisoned heart to read.

Chapter 9 pg 75 “Perfect Love Buys Us Back”

Did you know that you are a slave? We are all slaves to something. We are either a slave to sin if we have not yet received Jesus Christ as our personal savior, or we are slaves to righteousness, when we give our life to Jesus. As that moment because of Christ’s sacrifice, His blood covers our sin once and for all and He covers us with His righteousness. We are made right before the eyes of a perfect God, not because of anything that we did, only because of what Jesus did on the cross.

(page flipped to page 78 – my birth year that I happen to have a heart around in the book) So if you are a born again and you are still struggling with some old habits, or hang ups and not really understanding why, it is because you need to work to renew your mind daily in the truths in God’s Word to break those habits and strongholds for good.

Girlfriend, hear my heart here, you must never believe the lies that the enemy will tell you, lies like; “Oh, you must not even be saved or you wouldn’t think like this anymore” or “ if you were really saved, God would have delivered you from this by now” or “no other Christian thinks like this”. (pg79) You see, the enemy loves to get God’s children believing that they were not truly bought from sin and the devil’s grasp for good, and that they are still in the devil’s chains. It is simply not true! The truth is, the second that you make Jesus Lord, you belong to God and satan has no true control over you anymore. The only power that he has is what you freely give him. Sin does not have power over you; you just need to get your stubborn heart to line up with God’s Word and believe it!

This is when I turned on my laptop and began writing. This is how I live out Revelation 12:10,11. In order for me to hurl down my accuser I write and confess and become as transparent as I possibly can. Why? Well…because I receive life when I read another’s transparency through their current struggles, and I want another to see that although I am redeemed in Christ Jesus, I struggle daily with my sanity. I struggle daily with my tongue (or fingers), I struggle daily if I am truly saved. I am a real person with real problems wanting to reach as many real people as I can with a Real solution. Jesus.

If you love to read like I do, and want authentic biblical teaching then please go to and buy Mo Mydlo’s books. You won’t be disappointed.

Until next melt down…. just kidding.

a few ways that I Hear Gods Voice….

Eagle cloud

Two Eagles and a Vine

When you read your bible do you allow it to be received as if it were written directly to you? If you don’t might I suggest today you try. Ask Jesus to speak to you, to reveal Himself through His Written Word. Then know that He will. Don’t try and fight or control what you’re reading. Just let the words slowly (or quickly) come alive. If you have a lucky number keep an eye out to see if it happens to be in the verse you’re reading that sticks out, or possibly the time on the clock. Allow God’s Word to come alive and reveal to you something you may never have noticed before.

This morning He had me in Ezekiel. And I have to be honest sometimes it can be scary reading the Old Testament in this mindset. I hardly quit reading before He blesses me with something good to walk away with. This morning after being tossed back and forth between one warning after another, I received a beautiful gift. One that I will never let go of. It will be mine for as long as I live.

When the fan flipped my page over to show Chapter 17 Two Eagles and a Vine my heart began to see the Light of the earlier chastisement. 17 was the number my brother Mike wore on his football jersey, and my Daddy loved Eagles so much that my mom chose a beautiful Urn with an Eagle landing on a branch above water. Both Mike and my Dad have passed on so this, along with the Savior of my Souls description of Himself, I knew there had to be something in there just for me. And there it is 17:7,8 – Which happens to be my birthdate 1/7/78 it gets even better when I hit my phone to write the time down along with the verse it was 7:53am. My dad was born in 53….just another way of God showering me with LOVE through His Written Word.

There are many other personal messages within the text above, but these are just a few ways that I Hear Gods Voice, and Receive the LOVE that He pours out on me. I hope you are encouraged to ask God to Open the Eyes of your Heart and receive the Love He’s been waiting to give to you.

~sometimes I just gotta write~

Gentle Whispers

The Lord said, “Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the Lord, for the Lord is about to pass by.” Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper. When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave. Then the voice said to him, “What are you doing here, Elijah?” – 1 King 19:11-13

I’ve mentioned a few weeks ago that I was in a “dry season”, that I know God is with me but I cannot feel His overwhelming presence. This morning I asked whom God would have me pray for and after I prayed I let her know I did so. Her response “Oh my gosh Crystal, how did you know I needed it?” I told her I asked and he told me. Then she said something that really stood out to me, “you discern Him so well”. This isn’t the first time I’ve heard this, but this morning I allowed this to be the Word I had been seeking.

As I continued driving home I said God how is it I can hear you for everyone else but I struggle when to hear you for me? I then asked her and another woman to pray for me to be able to hear Him for myself…and shortly after, as I sit on my porch, I felt a cool breeze and a gentle whisper, “I’m so proud of you for being a good encourager”.

Tears fill my eyes as I write that because I KNOW that He spoke to me, I didn’t have an overwhelming rush through my body, the sky didn’t open up, the earth didn’t shake. It was a gentle whisper, in my mind, in my voice, that told me “I am proud of you for being a good encourager.” God is proud of me. My ultimate Father is proud of me. Truly I am overwhelmed with joy because although I don’t feel I have done anything for Him to be proud of, He still is.

Ladies, I urge you to quiet your minds and allow Gods whispers to speak to you. Serve other ladies with the gifts that you have. If you’re unaware of what gifts you posses, ask God to show you. He gives wisdom to those who ask…so ASK! And you shall receive. These are not just catchy phrases ladies, these are TRUTHS…guides for you and me to seek Him. To know Him. For Him to Love on you. And He so desperately wants to simply LOVE you…in a personal, deep, intimate way.

The world wants you to believe that you must DO something to deserve His love. His Word says simply believe and it is ALL yours. The ‘doing’ part is what happens when your heart has been healed and you WANT to do because you realize so much was GIVEN to you. So yes, they do go hand in hand…but let me assure you that God knows when you simply need to be loved on. He wants us to take time alone, He wants us to be kind to ourselves. He wants us to be still long enough so His whispers are heard and not drowned out by the world.

He Loves you so much. Won’t you let Him whisper to you today!

~sometimes I just gotta write~

When I change who I am, I’m changing who God created me to be.

Last night Kayla went to bed upset because she tried to answer like Tristan because that seemed to make me happy. But she said when she does that it only gets me upset. I told her that I didn’t want her to be anyone other than her. Because when she changes who she is than she changes who God made her to be.

I knew later on those words would be lingering within my heart, and sure enough as I drover to wendy’s I said them to myself.

“He doesn’t want you to be like anyone else. He doesn’t want me to change who I am when I am experiencing Him within me and all around me.”

The lessons he uses the kids, mostly Kayla for me, leave me with a guilt because she has to suffer in order for me to see. However, it also causes the quickest response in repentance because I can’t bare to see my babies suffer any more hurt because of my sin. So today’s lesson for my Spirit to surrender to The Holy Spirit and let go of the fear that has kept me from being me.


How I find God within my darkness

“A little while, and you will see me no longer; and again a little while, you will see me.” John 16:16 ESV

Before you continue to read this please read John 16:16-24.

When I read this passage this morning my eyes noticed the red writing and my mind responded by reminding me these words are words spoken by Jesus. Hopefully you feel as I do when reading words spoken by Our Savior, a sense of alertness and respect. These words I have read before and knew them to be words He spoke to His disciples about The Holy Spirit coming to them following His ascension. Today my heart responded as I read these words. When this happens my mind no longer reads these words as a student, but as a child hearing words of wisdom from her beloved Father.

I’d like to share with you what He told me today, as well as explain how I came to believe this. I have come to believe that my heart will respond to Gods Word in this manner after a series of events have occurred so that I am able to have understanding, as well as healing. I believe completely that until I have gone through all that He requires I do these words will continue to be read as a student. This is not a bad thing. But the moment I am able to read His Word through eyes of a daughter, it becomes a beautiful thing.

Over a year ago I read a book by Gisella Yohannan called Broken for a Purpose. I had never read a book that spoke so directly to my heart like this one has. Her words brought me into a realization that God has never forgotten one single moment of my life. That every ounce of pain I believed had been forgotten was actually important to Him, and to prove this to me He gave me this book. I have recommended this book countless of times to women who also endure brokenness that goes unnoticed by others. If this is you and you have not read her words I strongly urge you to do so. Remember as you are reading them, God is talking to you and I pray you find healing and joy within them, just as I did.

The reason I mentioned this book is because of the truth I gained from this book is the Purpose behind all of my Brokenness. Just as vs 20 illustrates the pain of giving birth brings us – well pain. But the JOY that comes from holding our beautiful baby doesn’t make us forget the pain that we just endured; it gives it a purpose and worthiness for it. If you have more than one child then you cannot disagree with what I am saying. You knew you would endure pain and discomfort in order to bring this child into this world, and you still chose to do so. This means you knew it would all be worth it. This is what I gained from the words in her book. The worth behind all of our pain, all of our brokenness is not only worth it, but planned by God.
Jesus spoke the words in John 16:16 to His disciples, but also to you and me for today. When we are in the midst of this darkness that is when “A little while, and you will see me no longer;” was meant for, and when the purpose is revealed for the time of darkness, this is when “and again a little while, you will see me.” was meant.

Don’t you get it Jesus really does love us. He really does want us to have a place with Him in Gods glorious Kingdom, today and for Eternity. He really has begun a good work within us, and will continue to do so until His return. He really does want to present us to Our Father with a sense of worth for His scars and His pain endured upon that cross, so He too can say “Thank You Father for allowing me to endure the pain upon the cross for my beautiful gift Crystal.” This is why He has us go through these moments of darkness where we cannot feel his presence. In Mere Christianity, C.S. Lewis describes an image of the Body of Christ as an illuminating light and our sin causes scars of darkness upon it. This illustration allows me to see those scars of darkness removed and Christs’ illuminating light bursting through…which brings me utter joy to be able to give back to Christ what He lost because of the sin I placed upon him.

When I began writing this my intention was to put into words what I had just gained through John 16:16-24. Now however I have this overwhelming need to place the importance upon the actions you must take in order to gain the insights that God has for YOU through His Holy Word. It’s not about what I have gained from it, but what He wants to tell YOU. Because each of us has our own personal relationship with God, Christ died for us individually, and The Holy Spirit lies within each of our own hearts teaching us our own individual truths. The reason my heart (which is where the Holy Spirit lives) was able to respond to this passage today was because of the actions I have taken, and experienced previously. In the past my pits of darkness were DARK, disturbingly dark, I want my life to end dark. Today the darkness isn’t as dark, I believe this is because of the time, effort, and dedication I have in learning all that there is to know about God and how I can mentally, emotionally, and spiritually maintain the presence of His Spirit within my life.
I am a God junkie! He has become my addiction and I can’t get enough of Him. So I read endless amount of writings about who God is, what He has done, and how I can know Him from others who have the gift of teaching. If you want to have that darkness become less dark, then take action in learning how to arm your heart and mind with knowledge about who God is and how He has helped healed others. I have to say this though, always take what you have read and compare their truth to the truths of God. Just as you would go to a dictionary to find the meaning of a word, this is what the Holy Bible does to the truths that others teach. Never take what someone teaches as the absolute truth, until you have seen that it lines up with His Holy word. This is how you can guard your heart from lies that destroy. I also encourage you to search deeper into these truths for yourself. As much as Gods word is universal, it is also individual. That’s why they say it is His Love Letter to US!

I haven’t gone back to proof read this so if it doesn’t make complete sense I apologize. But I pray that you have gained what you need to move closer to Gods truth for you.
~sometimes I just gotta write~