Her sins are many…

It is a trustworthy statement, deserving full acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, among whom I am foremost of all.

1 Timothy 1:15 NASB

Have you ever looked at an old picture of yourself and thought “WOW, if only people knew just how lost I was behind that smile?” 

This is my current Facebook profile picture. It came up on my ‘memories’ and I thought how appropriate for the frame they have saying “Saved by His Amazing Grace” so I posted it. 

I can’t stop looking at it with such gratitude. Knowing that in that moment I was an alcoholic stripper, having an emotional online affair with a married man, and had no idea who Jesus was. 

For this reason I say to you, her sins, which are many, have been forgiven, for she loved much; but he who is forgiven little, loves little.”

Luke 7:47 NASB

Today, 12 years later I sing His praises and rejoice at the life He redeemed me from. 

He brought me up out of the pit of destruction, out of the miry clay, And He set my feet upon a rock making my footsteps firm. He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God; Many will see and fear And will trust in the Lord .

Psalms 40:2‭-‬3 NASB

I don’t hide my past from others. I hope to never forget how far I’ve fallen. I desire to stay empathetic to those who are broken and lost in darkness. To show them that He is a Good God and desires that we ALL be saved through the blood of Jesus Christ. 

I, even I, am the one who wipes out your transgressions for My own sake, And I will not remember your sins.

Isaiah 43:25 NASB

Moreover, I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you; and I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh. I will put My Spirit within you and cause you to walk in My statutes, and you will be careful to observe My ordinances. You will live in the land that I gave to your forefathers; so you will be My people, and I will be your God. Moreover, I will save you from all your uncleanness; and I will call for the grain and multiply it, and I will not bring a famine on you.

Ezekiel 36:26‭-‬29 NASB

Then He said to her, “Your sins have been forgiven.”  And He said to the woman, “Your faith has saved you; go in peace.”

Luke 7:48‭, ‬50 NASB


Believe the Promises

“In an outburst of anger I hid My face from you for a moment, But with everlasting lovingkindness I will have compassion on you,” Says the Lord your Redeemer. “For this is like the days of Noah to Me, When I swore that the waters of Noah Would not flood the earth again; So I have sworn that I will not be angry with you Nor will I rebuke you. “For the mountains may be removed and the hills may shake, But My lovingkindness will not be removed from you, And My covenant of peace will not be shaken,” Says the Lord who has compassion on you. “All your sons will be taught of the Lord ; And the well-being of your sons will be great. “In righteousness you will be established; You will be far from oppression, for you will not fear; And from terror, for it will not come near you.

Isaiah 54:8‭-‬10‭, ‬13‭-‬14 NASB

Sometimes you read something and you just need to make sure it’s seen in BOLD writing. 

So many today are filled with fear and doubt and yet they praise Jesus. If only they would BELIEVE what He has promised. 

And blessed is she who believed that there would be a fulfillment of what had been spoken to her by the Lord.”

Luke 1:45 NASB

If you’re reading this and you have fear and worry please spend time in prayer today. Read Isaiah 54 in its entirety. Believe the words that are spoken to you. Trust you found this blog specifically so you would hear what He HAS promised. 

God loves you. He desires for you to believe HIM. 

I believed; even when I said, “I am greatly afflicted.”

I love Jesus, for He heard my voice, He heard my cry for mercy. Because He turned His ear to me, I will call on him as long as I live. The cords of death entangled me, the anguish of the grave came upon me; I was overcome by trouble sorrow. Then I called on the name of Jesus; “O Jesus, save me!” Jesus is gracious and righteous; our God is full of compassion. Jesus protects the simplehearted; when I was in great need, He saved me.


Be at rest once more, O my soul, for Jesus has been good to you.

For you, Jesus, have delivered  my soul from death, my eyes from tears, my feet from stumbling, that I may walk before Jesus in the land of the living.

I believed; even when I said, “I am greatly afflicted.”

~ Psalm 116:1-10

He still loves….me

Sometimes I hate myself. I mean really hate myself. When I was a kid I used to cut myself and I didn’t care what scars I left on my body. Today as an adult this still manifests itself is in the things I tell myself.

The scary part for me is the way my thoughts can really take over and pour out into this world. I’m a mother so I have 4 children that will and are affected by my behavior. But specifically I have 2 children that have already lost a father to suicide, and when I get in these self-hatred states I do hope to die. I rationalies that Chadd would do a much better job at parenting, and his family have everything I ever wanted as a kid so they will be fine. God loves them more than I do, I’m just messing everything up anyway.

Earlier as I was going through these lies I hit my Facebook application and this is the picture I saw.



This hit an area that I was trying to destroy. SO naturally I shut my Facebook down and started to provoke an argument with my husband. Thankfully, he stood firm and prayed and told me I was being attacked…and I of course like a hurt person usually does responded with more hurtful things. This kind of sickness I have struggled with all of my life. I am a self-healer and a self-hurter. What has to stop is the way I allow this anger and self-destruction out on my husband. I sat on my bed and thought ok what do I read. My bible sat near me, but like anyone who is filled with this kind of evil they don’t want to read God’s Word. Personally I know that’s exactly what I have to do though. God’s Word is the ONLY WAY to destroy what lies are destroying our inner peace. But I have a real fear of opening God’s Word when I’m like this. I’m afraid I won’t be able to stop from speaking evil against what I read…and blasphemy the Spirit. SO I stay away from it…which isn’t good.

So I opened the next best thing the book that my mentor wrote “Perfect Love” She equips me with the tools I need. The only other author that has affected my heart this way has been Beth Moore. Both women write for Jesus. Both women write what they KNOW works because ONE it’s God’s Word, TWO they’ve personally experienced it, and THREE they are anointed to heal the broken hearted, to set the captives free, the Spirit of the Lord is upon these women. So here is the page I opened to and the order in which my God allowed my poisoned heart to read.

Chapter 9 pg 75 “Perfect Love Buys Us Back”

Did you know that you are a slave? We are all slaves to something. We are either a slave to sin if we have not yet received Jesus Christ as our personal savior, or we are slaves to righteousness, when we give our life to Jesus. As that moment because of Christ’s sacrifice, His blood covers our sin once and for all and He covers us with His righteousness. We are made right before the eyes of a perfect God, not because of anything that we did, only because of what Jesus did on the cross.

(page flipped to page 78 – my birth year that I happen to have a heart around in the book) So if you are a born again and you are still struggling with some old habits, or hang ups and not really understanding why, it is because you need to work to renew your mind daily in the truths in God’s Word to break those habits and strongholds for good.

Girlfriend, hear my heart here, you must never believe the lies that the enemy will tell you, lies like; “Oh, you must not even be saved or you wouldn’t think like this anymore” or “ if you were really saved, God would have delivered you from this by now” or “no other Christian thinks like this”. (pg79) You see, the enemy loves to get God’s children believing that they were not truly bought from sin and the devil’s grasp for good, and that they are still in the devil’s chains. It is simply not true! The truth is, the second that you make Jesus Lord, you belong to God and satan has no true control over you anymore. The only power that he has is what you freely give him. Sin does not have power over you; you just need to get your stubborn heart to line up with God’s Word and believe it!

This is when I turned on my laptop and began writing. This is how I live out Revelation 12:10,11. In order for me to hurl down my accuser I write and confess and become as transparent as I possibly can. Why? Well…because I receive life when I read another’s transparency through their current struggles, and I want another to see that although I am redeemed in Christ Jesus, I struggle daily with my sanity. I struggle daily with my tongue (or fingers), I struggle daily if I am truly saved. I am a real person with real problems wanting to reach as many real people as I can with a Real solution. Jesus.

If you love to read like I do, and want authentic biblical teaching then please go to www.unforsakenministries.com and buy Mo Mydlo’s books. You won’t be disappointed.

Until next melt down…. just kidding.

Trials and Temptations, Pain, and Suffering – By Darla Martinez

1 Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3 because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. 4 Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. James 1:2-4

31 “Simon, Simon, Satan has asked to sift you as wheat. 32 But I have prayed for you, Simon, that your faith may not fail. And when you have turned back, strengthen your brothers.” Luke 22:31-32

As children of God we place a different definition on joy than that of the world, and because of that mindset we are able to consider it pure joy to go through trials and temptations, pain and suffering. Although painful, we understand that there is a spiritual purpose for our suffering. It is to draw us into a closer relationship with God, and to increase our faith. When we have won spiritual victory through our trial then we are called by Jesus to take our experience and strengthen others. Since we know there is a purpose far above anything of this world we are able to persevere with the help of our Father in Heaven. Trials are ultimately a blessing. When we respond properly we will grow from them. God’s glory will be evident for others to witness. It is a form of evangelism. I came across this formula while researching this scripture in James 1:2-4. When you look at his words of encouragement you can see this formula: TRIALS –TESTING –PERSEVERANCE –MATURITY.

In order for us to have fruitful growth in our faith Peter instructs us in 2 Peter 1: 5-11 5 But also for this very reason, giving all diligence, add to your faith virtue, to virtue knowledge, 6 to knowledge self-control, to self-control perseverance, to perseverance godliness, 7 to godliness brotherly kindness, and to brotherly kindness love. 8 For if these things are yours and abound, you will be neither barren nor unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. 9 For he who lacks these things is shortsighted, even to blindness, and has forgotten that he was cleansed from his old sins. 10 Therefore, brethren, be even more diligent to make your call and election sure, for if you do these things you will never stumble; 11 for so an entrance will be supplied to you abundantly into the everlasting kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

Perseverance is a spiritual discipline. It is necessary for us to grow to maturity in our faith relationship with God and to be fruitful in our walk.

Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning. Ps. 30:5 As Christians we are not sheltered from the pain and sorrow from the hurts of this world. The pain reminds us that this world is not our home. The joy that comes in the morning is the joy of what we have become through our suffering. It is like the metamorphosis of a caterpillar to a butterfly. There is this great change that happens. The body of the caterpillar completely breaks down and is unrecognizable. When it is finished with its transformation it erupts as a beautiful, completely new life creation. I have had the honor to minister to Christian men and women facing the trials of serious life threatening illness. As I have ministered to them through their journey I have been able to witness how they spiritually transform. Those who put their hope and complete dependency upon God develop a supernatural joy even when it seems that things are hopeless. The joy is not in the pain, but in what they are becoming through it. The joy is that of a deeper richer faith and personal relationship with God. When we suffer God shares with us a closer glimpse of Himself. We must look for Him through our pain.

Finally, in Philippians 3:10 (NLT) Paul states that he wants to partake in the sufferings of Christ and to share in His death. What in the world does that mean? Let’s look at this scripture together and I’ll explain it to you.

Paul writes: 10 I want to know Christ and experience the mighty power that raised him from the dead. I want to suffer with him, sharing in his death, 11 so that one way or another I will experience the resurrection from the dead!

Paul is saying here that he wants more than an intellectual knowledge of Christ. He also wants a relational knowledge, in fact, an intimate knowledge of Him. Paul is seeking here the on going power that is the day-to-day experience of being in Christ. Paul sees the value of participating in the persecutions and struggles that naturally accompany one who is in fellowship with Christ and His sufferings. Paul desires to imitate Christ even in His death. In other words Paul wants to be completely obedient to God the Father, just as Jesus was obedient to His Father’s Will. When you find yourself suffering in some form or fashion, or if you feel that you have not suffered yet in your life, let me assure you one day you will, because that is the way of this world. Be obedient, suffer for righteous sake, just as Christ did and as Paul longed for and as Peter instructed in his first letter and you will be able to count it all joy just as James has taught us. Your faith will be strengthened, your relationship with the Lord will be stronger and deeper, your prayers will be much more passionate and you will be a more effective servant. Suffering gives us a chance to correct, change and rebuild our faith in areas where we find ourselves weak. When you suffer draw near to God and He will draw near to you! Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord and He will lift you up! That is a promise! One last Scripture Heb. 5:8, God chose this practical but lasting way for His own son. “He learned obedience from the things which he suffered.”

~sometimes I just gotta write~

A day my wondering of “when will someone ask” was put to the test.

I recently suffered another tragic life altering death within my family. The father of my children, a man that changed my life, and became more to me than an ex, he was my family, was over taken by the pain and believed the lies that everyone he loved would be better without him here and took his life on Mothers day May 8 2011. (A date that all throughout our relationship would be the day we either broke up or found our way back together. The day I met Chadd my current husband in 2008, and the year prior 2009 I  had the most spiritual experience to this date, where I actually wrote that I would be the one dying in May the following year, a day that bc of him I am able to celebrate.)    My heart breaks knowing the years he will miss watching our children grow up to be the people we always dreamed for them to be. But I rejoice in Gods plans for my children…they know the Lord, and know that this is not the end for Matt as well as having Chadd in their lives assuring them of a fathers love. God is a LOVING God.

During the following weeks a flood of emotions I had realigned from our relationship as husband and wife to our roles as parents, came crashing in on me. My current husband at the time was amazing the 1st week after Matts passing….then the time when I needed to lean on him the most so I could be the mother that my children needed me to be he lost focus of his role as our only male protector in this world, and I was left defussing stupid temper tantrums, so my kids wouldn’t hear us fight.

Death is not new to me…when my relationship shifted with Matt was when my brother Mike fell 9 stories in Daytona Beach, at the age of 25 leaving behind a 4 yr old daughter, and his wife was 2 months pregnant with his son. Mike was more of a father to me….my world had fallen out from under me and Matt was there through all of it. Just holding me when I needed it, listened to cry, and when I became engulfed with the vision of him falling over and over he firmly said “then stop thinking about that”. Sounds harsh but I needed him to say it bc I was unable to snap out of it.

Back to the reasoning of this blog…after we came back home from the condo, I could almost feel the release of Gods power. Without Him I wouldn’t be able to write this, bc I would have lost my mind and been institutionalized. I will honestly admit that I am not the same person I was before the events that occured during our time at the beach.

Once home I had never felt such exhaustion in my life. Spiritually, emotionally, physically, and mentally I could not function. I think I slept for almost a week, remaining in bed another week after that.

Until one night I suddenly woke up in the middle of the night and happened to look at my phone, which I typically wont do. Below is the emails that occured between a highschool friend of mine that I haven’t seen since 1996. Excuse my typos, it was midnight and I was on my phone.

May 25


Just a question and if I offend you I am sorry I am not
trying to. After all of this bad stuff happening to you in such a short time
you still believe in god. How can you praise to something that has done nothing
but hurt you. Just something I have always thought and didn’t understand it.
Not just you but everyone.

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May 26


Wow….couldn’t understand why I woke up when I was sleeping
so calmly. This is why and explains the dream I was having.

Totally NOT offended….actually THANK YOU! Bc I have truly believed my life
would never change until I was asked this question. I almost have an excitement
in me bc finally someone has asked……

Ok. So you’ve known me through highschool and remember when I tried to kill
myself on 9th grade right? I have been trying since 12…. many times and many
different ways…..there were times I came.to school blacked out bc I had taken
so many pills the night before. Anyway….the day I woke up in the hospital
something in me.changed…..it wasn’t an instant and I didn’t become saved
until my 30’s but something awakened in me that made me know there was a reason
I lived. I never opened a bible until May 2008, but as I go back and read my
journals I’ve always prayed……after Mike dying it was then I started feeling
God pulling me closer….through Mike though….now I know it was the Holy Spirit
using my brothers memory to show me who God was and how much He truly loves me.

My reason I believe in God is bc He gets me THROUGH all of the horrible things
in my life. I honestly cannot remember if you have kids…(sorry) I don’t think
you do…I know you live on Vegas and are married but dunno ab the kid
thing…. anyway…my kids are GOOD I mean really GOOD kids and they’ve already
been through a divorce, fighting horrible fighting with Chadd, now their dad
killed himself, and now another divorce. I don’t do this to them bc I hate
them. Just the opposite…..I love them so much I’ve wanted to sacrifice
everything FOR their future. This sometimes means we have to go through
horrible things….that’s when I love them MORE evidently in their everyday life.
We play, talk, go swimming, star together….even sleep in the same.bed most
nights. When they’re being out the worse possible situation I’m MORE of a
mother than I’ve ever been. That’s how it is with God. When I’m going through
the most gut wrenching pain (and its been like this my ENTIRE life….lots of
abuse…sexual, verbal, mental, physical, everything) God loves me so much
closer, it I should say when I turn back to Him, He’s there in an instant and
LOVES me through the pain bc He wants my life to be PERFECT….just like I want
my kids lire to be perfect……He can’t control what others I have on my life
do (well He COULD but He won’t) He can only help those who WANT help, who WANT
MORE in this life. Everything that’s happened in this world…its ALL in the
bible. Different time but its all there. I’m never shocked with the things I
hear bc its going to get worse and that means as long as I live here in this
world chances are my life and my kids will feel the punishment of this world.
God never promised me choosing Him meant I’d have a perfect life down here, He
actually promises me it will be hard and painful and I will suffer….So He’s
never lied to me….He’s also promised me if I stay faithful and continue to
try with all my heart, mind, and soul to live an honorable life in His glory,
believe in Jesus’ life, death, and resurrection, that He’s the son of God
(which I still struggle with and that’s ok….bc I’m still learning) that when
I die and Jesus then comes back to “end the world” that I will be one
of the ones who get to live my spiritual life on heaven with God and Jesus.

So even through all of the horrible things that never seem to stop in ky
life….one thing I never doubt is if there is a God. Not to mention
scientifically this world couldn’t not have been created by anything other than
an Intelligent Designer. It’s scientifically impossible for the things to be as
they are without something making all of it……

God doesn’t waste my hurt….someone, somewhere will need to hear my pain to
get through theirs…that’s why I believe I’ve had the life God gave me. Just
wish sometimes I could just use what I’ve got LOL

Hope that answered your question. Thank you SO much for asking me that. I
needed to be reminded of this….which BTW is God reminding me people I never
even think ab are watching and I have to always remember who I represent!

Please ask me anything. Anytime!!!



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May 26


Once again I was not trying to be mean I just have so many
issues and questions about god and you seem to really get the hole thing. So I
thought maybe I should ask you since you are going thur so much and still
believe. Thank you for taking time and talking to me about it 🙂

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May 26


Questions about God are GOOD! The way we get stuck is never
searching for the answers openly and willing to accept the answers you find,
without a predestined answer. I believe the second you stop questioning God is
when we die on the inside. Our whole existence is to be in relationship with
God. That’s ALL He asks if us…..everything else you see and best Christians
do in the name of God are bc during their relationship this is how God chooses
to use them and they LOVE Him so completely they WANT to do that. Now there are
some judgmental hypocritical Christians that slam others in the name of the
Lord and they do more damage to His name than someone who bashes God.

I can’t answer everything but I’m more than willing to try and answer anything
I can. Never offended….honestly you gave me a GIFT that I’ve waited and
wondered why no one has asked yet. So honestly MC thank you!